Lately I've been going through a good amount of hurdles. I have been plateauing for a month at just under 200 lbs, which is frustrating to say the least, since I was going to have my 6 month follow-up appointment and felt like I didn't have much to show for the additional three months. I rescheduled my appointment because I left my bloodwork until the last minute, and I wanted to make sure they had the results before I went to the appointment.
I have been very focused on the excess skin situation lately. I feel like it's hampering my attempts at sizing properly, not to mention making me feel dissatisfied (even to the point of minor disgust) with myself... "What am I doing wrong that it looks like this? I should be going to the gym more." - but then too depressed to get out to the gym...among other excuses. There's other things I could be doing of course...
...other things I've been "slacking off" on. I've been irregular in taking my vitamins, mostly because I can't afford the chewable/dissolvable ones. So taking the large and bad-tasting pills isn't something on my mind. In addition, I haven't been taking my calcium supplement, which is indeed liquid. I just don't really think about it, though I should. Generally when I get home from work I get a beverage - water, iced tea, whatever. The calcium supplement is right there. And yet... Nope.
Which relates to another problem I've been having - teeth. I have had crappy teeth all my life. I had a molar abscess when I was about 7 years old. (The new molar also abscessed later on. Eventually I had it extracted, which makes me more or less happy as a clam.) I have more fillings than I'd like to admit to. But lately, things have gotten worse. I have two broken molars, and some other damages to existing fillings and the like, probably from deterioration from the teeth underneath. Most recently, I broke off part of a tooth (that already has a substantial filling) while eating granola with flaxseed in it. Yep. Granola. The dentist thinks we can save my tooth, which would be grand. It's already next to two teeth that had to have root canals and crowns.
See how this is going?
In any case, my coworker, whose wife and stepdaughter both had weight loss surgery, said their teeth went to hell after their surgery, mostly from stomach acidity. I didn't really believe that would happen to me, since I haven't had any heartburn or acid indigestion really - but that's because I've been staying on Prilosec nonstop. But combined with the calcium-fail on my end... And maybe acid I'm not even thinking about... Definitely need to do something to turn this boat around, before I need dentures by the time I'm 30.
I always joked with my friend Meryl about my teeth problems and being so poor that I need to start hookin'... That I would start giving gumjobs. Welp, that doesn't seem so absurd of a likelihood now!
Have been making some Christmas cookies - and able to eat them. Thankfully, they are so absurdly filling (like any of the meager carbs I've tried) that I can only get away with one, maybe two - not handfuls like I used to do. So huzzah for that!
I'm sorry I've been so absent from posting - I will do my best to work on that. Don't hold me to it, though - clearly I'm not very good at following through on stuff lately.
Friday, December 20, 2013
Tuesday, December 3, 2013
The Thanksgiving Challenge
So, after I long absence, I return! With a summary of the most eating-focused holiday here in the US - Thanksgiving. A day where we fill ourselves until we feel like we're going to burst. And, in my case, two days - one for my family, one for Dave's.
The biggest problem I had was the excessive odd looks and questions about the tiny amount on my plate, and having to pass up on a lot of things. "You're not going to have sweet potatoes? No rolls? No stuffing? No XYZ?" Especially at Dave's family get-together. Thankfully I was at the "kid's table," so I only had a few people looking at the meager portion on my plate. (A slice of turkey and a slice of ham.) At my family's celebration, I nabbed a smaller plate so I would be more satisfied with how it looked. No one really paid any mind - though I think I will just need to get used to the fact that I will always and forever have people raising a literal or figurative eyebrow at my absurdly small portion sizes.
Regardless - I made it through! Just focused on the meats - which is what Thanksgiving is really about, right? The turkey - the lovely, lovely turkey. I did, however, have wayyy too much pumpkin mousse for dessert at my parents'. I ate it too fast, more importantly... so I felt queasy, but didn't actually end up with vomiting or diarrhea. So that worked out well.
The only big issue I had was on the way up to my parents' Thanksgiving, we stopped at Cabela's (an outdoors store) and ate at their cafe. I had a bison bratwurst, which was tasty if a bit spicy for my taste. (Also, I accidentally took a wee bite of the bun, which I mostly spit out, lol. I had a moment of OSHI-- and then took out the bits that were distinguishable.) Thankfully, I took pretty much everything I had - two Gas-X dissolvable strips and 2 Tums Freshers. One or two trips to the bathroom resulted just in gas, but still, I felt better. Better enough to make it the next two hours to the house! So that's what really matters.
I'm getting better at some things, but not everything. I'm doing my best, and puttering along.
Also, just recently I broke 200!! I'm kind of ecstatic - and hoping it will stay on the downward path of course.
Lastly, buying clothes has been very difficult... Still pretty much can't find pants at all. It's a good thing I'm ok with wearing skirts, but even those... I used to wear patterned tights all the time, and even those are too big now. UGH. There is so much clothing I need, and can't afford. Money is pretty tight right now - Dave's having issues getting work secured steadily, especially when his full-time gig pooped out for 3 weeks or so. Events getting cancelled. Ugh, who knows. Frustrating, though, to say the least! Thankfully I'm making almost everything, and working with cheap supplies for the most part. Sadly, it means everyone is getting something not on a wishlist, but hopefully will still be enjoyed.
The biggest problem I had was the excessive odd looks and questions about the tiny amount on my plate, and having to pass up on a lot of things. "You're not going to have sweet potatoes? No rolls? No stuffing? No XYZ?" Especially at Dave's family get-together. Thankfully I was at the "kid's table," so I only had a few people looking at the meager portion on my plate. (A slice of turkey and a slice of ham.) At my family's celebration, I nabbed a smaller plate so I would be more satisfied with how it looked. No one really paid any mind - though I think I will just need to get used to the fact that I will always and forever have people raising a literal or figurative eyebrow at my absurdly small portion sizes.
Regardless - I made it through! Just focused on the meats - which is what Thanksgiving is really about, right? The turkey - the lovely, lovely turkey. I did, however, have wayyy too much pumpkin mousse for dessert at my parents'. I ate it too fast, more importantly... so I felt queasy, but didn't actually end up with vomiting or diarrhea. So that worked out well.
The only big issue I had was on the way up to my parents' Thanksgiving, we stopped at Cabela's (an outdoors store) and ate at their cafe. I had a bison bratwurst, which was tasty if a bit spicy for my taste. (Also, I accidentally took a wee bite of the bun, which I mostly spit out, lol. I had a moment of OSHI-- and then took out the bits that were distinguishable.) Thankfully, I took pretty much everything I had - two Gas-X dissolvable strips and 2 Tums Freshers. One or two trips to the bathroom resulted just in gas, but still, I felt better. Better enough to make it the next two hours to the house! So that's what really matters.
I'm getting better at some things, but not everything. I'm doing my best, and puttering along.
Also, just recently I broke 200!! I'm kind of ecstatic - and hoping it will stay on the downward path of course.
Lastly, buying clothes has been very difficult... Still pretty much can't find pants at all. It's a good thing I'm ok with wearing skirts, but even those... I used to wear patterned tights all the time, and even those are too big now. UGH. There is so much clothing I need, and can't afford. Money is pretty tight right now - Dave's having issues getting work secured steadily, especially when his full-time gig pooped out for 3 weeks or so. Events getting cancelled. Ugh, who knows. Frustrating, though, to say the least! Thankfully I'm making almost everything, and working with cheap supplies for the most part. Sadly, it means everyone is getting something not on a wishlist, but hopefully will still be enjoyed.
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Excess Skin, Food Cravings, Etc.
So, my latest "beef" is excess skin. I haven't been working out as much as I should be, which I'm sure isn't helping, but I definitely have a lot more jiggly bits than I had before. When I was overweight, or at my maximum weight, there wasn't a lot of jiggle with my fat. I was...compact, I guess? Compact fat, looool. I always looked like I didn't weigh as much as I did. Well, now, I've got a lot of jiggle, everywhere pretty much. Excess skin especially in my thighs, but also my underarms, stomach (lower), and even some on my face/neck area. UGH. Unsat. More to the gym - and hopefully to finally check out that red light booth, if I can find a tanning salon to pick up some tanning goggles (required). Supposedly that helps with cellulite...Maybe it will jiggle away my jiggle?
In other news, I wish they had told us more about food cravings. My latest craving is honey roasted peanuts. And now, unfortunately, chocolate. My body (and stomach) are able to handle chocolate, though peanuts I end up eating in excess, lol! Peanuts and almonds sit "heavy" in my stomach, even if I chew them up into nut butter. I think it's just the fat content in both, maybe.
I can't think of what else I wanted to say off the top of my head. There have been some other things that have happened to me recently - I got in a car accident, where my car is "totaled" but still driveable. Because it involves money, naturally it effects all facets of my life. One of my (dental) crowns fell out, so chewing was interesting, since the opposite side of my mouth has a big ol' gap in the exact same spot from an extraction. Thankfully, that's been remedied. But it definitely feels like there's a bit of a black cloud hovering over my head. :|
In other news, I wish they had told us more about food cravings. My latest craving is honey roasted peanuts. And now, unfortunately, chocolate. My body (and stomach) are able to handle chocolate, though peanuts I end up eating in excess, lol! Peanuts and almonds sit "heavy" in my stomach, even if I chew them up into nut butter. I think it's just the fat content in both, maybe.
I can't think of what else I wanted to say off the top of my head. There have been some other things that have happened to me recently - I got in a car accident, where my car is "totaled" but still driveable. Because it involves money, naturally it effects all facets of my life. One of my (dental) crowns fell out, so chewing was interesting, since the opposite side of my mouth has a big ol' gap in the exact same spot from an extraction. Thankfully, that's been remedied. But it definitely feels like there's a bit of a black cloud hovering over my head. :|
Thursday, October 24, 2013
New hair!
Here it is! I love reds (red-reds, not 'natural' reds, though I love those too), so I picked this one. I feel pretty va-va-voom. It's a bit difficult to get used to, and I keep thinking negatively, but I'm trying to shove those self-conscious thoughts out and enjoy it.
See? Voom. Voom indeed. (I'm being red riding hood for Halloween, btws. That did not have any bearing on my deciding on getting a red wig.)
Now I just have to practice styling it... That's the hardest part.
Aaaand, one more, just for funsies.
Saturday, October 19, 2013
Wig appointment!
I am scheduled to have my wig (synthetic, lace-front) installed on Wednesday afternoon. I am so excited and terrified at the same time, lol. I don't have a lot of support for doing it... But, yknow, maybe I should just start emphasizing that it's only for 2 weeks... Not telling them that I know my hair is thinning, and it's bothering me a lot, and it's so incredibly depressing. Supposedly it's "not noticeable." But I see it... I scrutinize what's in the mirror more than anyone else. If there's something I can do that will help to remedy that? Then yes, I want to try it! It's only temporary... So what's the big deal?
Anyway! I'm excited for that, but again, like I said, nervous. I will definitely post a picture afterward.
Lastly, I stopped taking the Wellbutrin. There are just too many minor adverse side effects that have built up that are really ruining any benefit it would have for me. Hopefully they will diminish quickly... Do not want. Dropping and breaking things in stores because my hand twitches and lets go or knocks into something... not my idea of a good time.
Anyway! I'm excited for that, but again, like I said, nervous. I will definitely post a picture afterward.
Lastly, I stopped taking the Wellbutrin. There are just too many minor adverse side effects that have built up that are really ruining any benefit it would have for me. Hopefully they will diminish quickly... Do not want. Dropping and breaking things in stores because my hand twitches and lets go or knocks into something... not my idea of a good time.
Thursday, October 17, 2013
More bodily weirdness!!
Since my last post, I went to my psychologist to discuss the sleeping problems, and general increasing depression. She thinks (and I think she's right) that my body/mind are subconsciously shutting me down from stress. I might not be choosing to sleep, but my body and mind are like 'peace out bitches!' and I conk out. That being said, and my mentioning the increasing depression, I have been put on another anti-depressant. The initial one I was put on was more for OCD, but it is used to treat depression as well.
So now I'm up to...*counts...* 5 pills before work, 6 vitamins at work, 2 pills in the evening.
I had called the surgeon's office to see if they had any ideas, and there was nothing amiss on their end. (That's why I went to see my psychologist.) However, I did also need to go back on the Prilosec/Omeprazole. I was getting some significant heartburn every night, so back on that for awhile.. I didn't want to be taking Tums all the time! It's gone for now, so thank goodness.
Anyway, kind of jumping back... yesterday I almost fell asleep at work, on the drive home, and then took a decent nap in the afternoon. Then I felt really weak in the evening. Dave kept elbowing and kneeing me in the night, so I slept really poorly and eventually I gave up and went out to sleep in the recliner. At some point in the early evening, and still going on now, my hands and legs have been trembling and shaky.
I'm pretty sure I'm experiencing a goodly amount of the side effects, unfortunately, of the new anti-depressant.. Confusion/trouble focusing thoughts (having a hard time getting words out for the past few days), headaches, feel like throwing up (had a really bad wave of nausea yesterday at work that wasn't related to food - had only been having water!), drowsiness, fever (I felt that I had a low-grade one yesterday, but not sure), uncoordinated (have been very off balance lately), feeling weak, puffy face from water retention, and possibly a little of behaving with excessive cheerfulness and activity - though that only was a day or two. It's hard to tell otherwise, since I'm usually doing something anyway, and since I've been depressed, I haven't wanted to do anything. Do I ride it through, or call the doctor? She's off all week at a conference, so I wouldn't get any kind of response soon anyway. I was so worried about myself this morning that I really wanted to stay home, but we're having people who are "analyzing" our work out here, so I need to be here to prove my worth more or less.
Urgh, stress.
So now I'm up to...*counts...* 5 pills before work, 6 vitamins at work, 2 pills in the evening.
I had called the surgeon's office to see if they had any ideas, and there was nothing amiss on their end. (That's why I went to see my psychologist.) However, I did also need to go back on the Prilosec/Omeprazole. I was getting some significant heartburn every night, so back on that for awhile.. I didn't want to be taking Tums all the time! It's gone for now, so thank goodness.
Anyway, kind of jumping back... yesterday I almost fell asleep at work, on the drive home, and then took a decent nap in the afternoon. Then I felt really weak in the evening. Dave kept elbowing and kneeing me in the night, so I slept really poorly and eventually I gave up and went out to sleep in the recliner. At some point in the early evening, and still going on now, my hands and legs have been trembling and shaky.
I'm pretty sure I'm experiencing a goodly amount of the side effects, unfortunately, of the new anti-depressant.. Confusion/trouble focusing thoughts (having a hard time getting words out for the past few days), headaches, feel like throwing up (had a really bad wave of nausea yesterday at work that wasn't related to food - had only been having water!), drowsiness, fever (I felt that I had a low-grade one yesterday, but not sure), uncoordinated (have been very off balance lately), feeling weak, puffy face from water retention, and possibly a little of behaving with excessive cheerfulness and activity - though that only was a day or two. It's hard to tell otherwise, since I'm usually doing something anyway, and since I've been depressed, I haven't wanted to do anything. Do I ride it through, or call the doctor? She's off all week at a conference, so I wouldn't get any kind of response soon anyway. I was so worried about myself this morning that I really wanted to stay home, but we're having people who are "analyzing" our work out here, so I need to be here to prove my worth more or less.
Urgh, stress.
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
Getting inside my head (aka psychiatrist appointment)
Yesterday I had an appointment with a psychiatrist. I asked Dave to drive me there/go with me, so that I would be forced to go and not be so anxious that I would flake out. The appointment went...well? It amazes me how incredibly different counselors can approach something - and the more I go to, the more I wonder if it's even worth it. (I asked Dave in the car on the way home - why do I go to therapists? It's a broad question, but I'm not really sure about the answer.)
Anyway, the main reason I made the appointment was that I have been having INCREDIBLE social anxiety. I go to work no problem, and can go out to the store or even the gym without any problems. But that's really because I don't have to interact with anyone.
The anxiety has been increasing because, as was kind of "revealed" during the session, I don't really have a support network. The few friends I have, I don't speak to enough, and when I do, I'm not sure if it's anything that would be directly supportive (?) of my new stomach and life. (I honestly don't know what "directly supportive" would be, and if that's even what would be needed in a support network.) I also don't talk to my parents/family that much. And I'm not really sure why on that either. I think just being depressed* has made me retreat into my shell and not really want to talk to anyone that's not absolutely present/that I kinda have to talk to. So, in short, my support network is kinda Dave. Which leads to the depression thing.
*So, being depressed. Nothing new, right? Definitely not for me. Dave has been working a lot at this new full-time job. I'm proud that he has a full-time job, and what seems like steady employ. He's still doing catering. But he works incredibly long hours during his full-time job, and long hours catering on weekends, so I feel like I hardly get to see him. Sometimes he averages getting home around 7-8 (I get home at 4:30). I tend to doze off starting around 10, so that's what, 2-3 hours to spend with him? He's generally preoccupied with solo activities, like sorting/rearranging MtG cards/decks. So I just do whatever, dootz around. Then on the weekends, he'll sleep in late, then have to leave out mid-afternoon for catering. We haven't been spending quality time together, interacting, actually talking about what's going on in our lives. It feels very...separate. I think a large part of it is we are both going through a period of adjustment with the full-time job thing. But I know there is a significant part in his head that believes that he started working full-time because of me, for me. Not in a sweet way, but more in a martyr-y way - like I forced him into it. I really want to dispel that belief, but I don't know if it's going to happen ever.
UGH. So, yeah. Depression. Sorry for the tangent... I could go on forever.
Back to the social anxiety. It really revolves a lot about spending time with people generally involves eating. We are a culture that revolves around food! Hanging out with friends, ordering pizza or chinese, hanging out. Welp, can't eat that. I feel singled out, by myself. This is something I thought about a goodly amount right after the surgery, and I am kind of re-realizing it now. I'm kind of alone on this journey - it's me and my body and mind trying to cope with all these changes. Though there is support available, if I take advantage of it, my skepticism, depression, bipolar, cynicism, and incredibly low self esteem make me distrust what people might say - it's not genuine, it's just token "I know how you feel." Every person has to undergo this journey themselves - even with support, it's still you and your body. No one else is that person.
My support network is crumbly and sad. Not having Dave around that much, and realizing that I don't really have anyone else there, is kind of a wake-up call. I really want to start connecting with my family and friends more, even if they aren't close by. I want to really try and make new friends, though the whole thing is pretty terrifying and angst-inducing for me. So having the support network for this is INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT. Especially if you have pre-existing mental health problems, like I do. All these things that come down the pike, and you think you're prepared...you're not, really.
Anyway, the main reason I made the appointment was that I have been having INCREDIBLE social anxiety. I go to work no problem, and can go out to the store or even the gym without any problems. But that's really because I don't have to interact with anyone.
The anxiety has been increasing because, as was kind of "revealed" during the session, I don't really have a support network. The few friends I have, I don't speak to enough, and when I do, I'm not sure if it's anything that would be directly supportive (?) of my new stomach and life. (I honestly don't know what "directly supportive" would be, and if that's even what would be needed in a support network.) I also don't talk to my parents/family that much. And I'm not really sure why on that either. I think just being depressed* has made me retreat into my shell and not really want to talk to anyone that's not absolutely present/that I kinda have to talk to. So, in short, my support network is kinda Dave. Which leads to the depression thing.
*So, being depressed. Nothing new, right? Definitely not for me. Dave has been working a lot at this new full-time job. I'm proud that he has a full-time job, and what seems like steady employ. He's still doing catering. But he works incredibly long hours during his full-time job, and long hours catering on weekends, so I feel like I hardly get to see him. Sometimes he averages getting home around 7-8 (I get home at 4:30). I tend to doze off starting around 10, so that's what, 2-3 hours to spend with him? He's generally preoccupied with solo activities, like sorting/rearranging MtG cards/decks. So I just do whatever, dootz around. Then on the weekends, he'll sleep in late, then have to leave out mid-afternoon for catering. We haven't been spending quality time together, interacting, actually talking about what's going on in our lives. It feels very...separate. I think a large part of it is we are both going through a period of adjustment with the full-time job thing. But I know there is a significant part in his head that believes that he started working full-time because of me, for me. Not in a sweet way, but more in a martyr-y way - like I forced him into it. I really want to dispel that belief, but I don't know if it's going to happen ever.
UGH. So, yeah. Depression. Sorry for the tangent... I could go on forever.
Back to the social anxiety. It really revolves a lot about spending time with people generally involves eating. We are a culture that revolves around food! Hanging out with friends, ordering pizza or chinese, hanging out. Welp, can't eat that. I feel singled out, by myself. This is something I thought about a goodly amount right after the surgery, and I am kind of re-realizing it now. I'm kind of alone on this journey - it's me and my body and mind trying to cope with all these changes. Though there is support available, if I take advantage of it, my skepticism, depression, bipolar, cynicism, and incredibly low self esteem make me distrust what people might say - it's not genuine, it's just token "I know how you feel." Every person has to undergo this journey themselves - even with support, it's still you and your body. No one else is that person.
My support network is crumbly and sad. Not having Dave around that much, and realizing that I don't really have anyone else there, is kind of a wake-up call. I really want to start connecting with my family and friends more, even if they aren't close by. I want to really try and make new friends, though the whole thing is pretty terrifying and angst-inducing for me. So having the support network for this is INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT. Especially if you have pre-existing mental health problems, like I do. All these things that come down the pike, and you think you're prepared...you're not, really.
Monday, September 30, 2013
Post 3 month check-up
So, I am officially down 40 pounds 3 months after my surgery! The doctor's office was very pleased with my progress, saying that I'm a bit further along than they expect patients to be, so that's even better. (Since I'm worried I'll start slowing down sooner than I think, and I'm kind of amazed I got to this point at all, because of plateaus along the way.)
A rundown of my bloodwork showed that my protein was good, which is something I was really worried about. It's something they stress so much in all appointments that of course I would be worried! I haven't been tracking my protein or liquids anymore, but have just been mindful - especially of fluids.
A rundown of my bloodwork showed that my protein was good, which is something I was really worried about. It's something they stress so much in all appointments that of course I would be worried! I haven't been tracking my protein or liquids anymore, but have just been mindful - especially of fluids.
No more trips to the E.R. Seriously.
Unfortunately, not all my bloodwork was great. The phlebotomist/lab tech at Quest muffed up my blood sample on the CBC, so I have to get that done again. My levels of vitamins B1 and B12 are low, so I need to start adding those in. I have already been taking B12, but the RN (Rose) said I can double it with no problem. And B1, I just have to start taking. Thankfully that's not too low (the goal is 8-30, and I'm at 8), but one of the causes of thiamin/B1 deficiency is daily consumption of coffee or tea. Well, hell! I drink a mug of 12+ oz of hot tea in the morning at work, then iced tea almost all evening when I get home. >_< Another cause of low B1 is high intake of processed foods - which, naturally, things that are made to be low fat, fat free, sugar free, etc, have been engineered to be such most likely. So all the specialty doodads are good and bad. I think just adding B1 vitamins to my regiment should be fine to bump me up to a better level.
The last thing that was wonky was that my liver enzymes were high, though there's nothing I can do about it supposedly. Rose said it was most likely my body still adjusting to all the effects of the surgery, changes in my diet, etc.
Back to the B1 and B12 briefly - deficiencies in these vitamins can cause emotional problems, so I wonder if that is what is really happening up in my brain, instead of changes needed in my regular bipolar medications. (I expressed concerns over that at my last psychiatrist appointment, and she said it was just adjustments still. WHY SO LONG FOR ADJUSTMENTS?!)
Lastly, I talked about my hair loss with the RN. She said doubling the biotin (vitamin B7) could help, since I am only taking 5000 mcg and can take 10,000 mcg, so I will try that. But I am still very depressed and discouraged my my hair thinning, and having small tumbleweeds of hair every time I shower. I've been investigating wigs, weaves, extensions, etc... And I'm mostly looking into a wig. There are a TON of resources near me for wigs, thankfully, but I don't know anyone with first-hand experience in that realm. I'm afraid to talk to strangers about it, and get honest, friendly information. I'm going to go to the gastric sleeve support group at GBMC tomorrow night and see if they have any experience. Rose said she didn't really know much about it. The hair could return in like 3-6 months, so when it's going, it's going to take a goodly amount of time for it to come back. This part is what's making me really start to consider this. It's a whole new terrifying frontier for me (and another absurd expense to go through - sigh), but hopefully I can have the courage to keep on.
Monday, September 23, 2013
3 months out
First off, I want to apologize for not posting for ~2 weeks.. I've been going through some tough emotions with Dave lately, and feeling very lonely and without a lot of support. So that being said, I've withdrawn from pretty much everything, like I tend to do when I'm pretty depressed.
That being said, I can elaborate on that, or talk more about pertinent things! Well, pertinent first at least. So I'm about 4 days shy of being 3 months out from my surgery, and I've lost 40 lbs. FORTY. I am so proud of myself! I stepped on the scale this morning and was kind of shocked at how well I've done, in spite of my odd eating habits lately.
My self image is bipolar though. I think and feel thin, fitting into clothes that were super tight before with no problem, having to buy new jeggings because my old ones were baggy, etc. But I have a looot of jiggly bits, especially my thighs and butt. I know this is a sign that I need to be working out more; I have my gym membership, but haven't been in about 2 weeks. Half the time when I am planning on going, my stomach gets twisted up from just food, just anxiety, or a combination of the two. It's difficult that whenever I'm incredibly anxious, my digestive system goes completely haywire. I don't really need that when my stomach is so sensitive right now anyway.
In any case, I used to have no fear about going. Like la dee da, here I go, workin it! But I think the onset of the deepening depression has increased my desire to not do anything, let alone do things.
So, part of the depression I think stems from the surgery and my new eating habits. I generally am not eating the same thing Dave eats, and I'm scared to go out to a restaurant because of the excessive restrictions/complications that will arise. I know once I bite the bullet and try it out, I'll be fine, but it's until then that I'll be scared. When I'm not eating what Dave eats, it's like we're eating at the same time but not together? If that makes any sense. Last night, Dave had cumin mushroom quesadillas, and I had eggs. (Granted, I don't like mushrooms or cumin very much, but I couldn't have the tortilla or excessive sour cream most likely.) I don't know why it gets me, but maybe it's just a weird "separate but equal" thing that rubs me wrong.
I have my 3 mo check-up next week. I had bloodwork done last week (last Wednesday I believe), which was a large amount of blood (6 vials I think for about 8 tests?), but my wee deep veins cooperated. Hopefully that will be at the doctor's office in time. I have my referral, which I requested awhile ago knowing that my regular doctor's office is wonky with those kinds of things. It's only good through the end of the year, though, so if I have the same insurance 3 months after this next appt, then I will need another referral. But we'll see, we'll see. I also stop taking my Omeprazole (Prilosec) soon, so we'll see how my body takes to that. I'm concerned, but hopefully I don't need to be.
That being said, I can elaborate on that, or talk more about pertinent things! Well, pertinent first at least. So I'm about 4 days shy of being 3 months out from my surgery, and I've lost 40 lbs. FORTY. I am so proud of myself! I stepped on the scale this morning and was kind of shocked at how well I've done, in spite of my odd eating habits lately.
My self image is bipolar though. I think and feel thin, fitting into clothes that were super tight before with no problem, having to buy new jeggings because my old ones were baggy, etc. But I have a looot of jiggly bits, especially my thighs and butt. I know this is a sign that I need to be working out more; I have my gym membership, but haven't been in about 2 weeks. Half the time when I am planning on going, my stomach gets twisted up from just food, just anxiety, or a combination of the two. It's difficult that whenever I'm incredibly anxious, my digestive system goes completely haywire. I don't really need that when my stomach is so sensitive right now anyway.
In any case, I used to have no fear about going. Like la dee da, here I go, workin it! But I think the onset of the deepening depression has increased my desire to not do anything, let alone do things.
So, part of the depression I think stems from the surgery and my new eating habits. I generally am not eating the same thing Dave eats, and I'm scared to go out to a restaurant because of the excessive restrictions/complications that will arise. I know once I bite the bullet and try it out, I'll be fine, but it's until then that I'll be scared. When I'm not eating what Dave eats, it's like we're eating at the same time but not together? If that makes any sense. Last night, Dave had cumin mushroom quesadillas, and I had eggs. (Granted, I don't like mushrooms or cumin very much, but I couldn't have the tortilla or excessive sour cream most likely.) I don't know why it gets me, but maybe it's just a weird "separate but equal" thing that rubs me wrong.
I have my 3 mo check-up next week. I had bloodwork done last week (last Wednesday I believe), which was a large amount of blood (6 vials I think for about 8 tests?), but my wee deep veins cooperated. Hopefully that will be at the doctor's office in time. I have my referral, which I requested awhile ago knowing that my regular doctor's office is wonky with those kinds of things. It's only good through the end of the year, though, so if I have the same insurance 3 months after this next appt, then I will need another referral. But we'll see, we'll see. I also stop taking my Omeprazole (Prilosec) soon, so we'll see how my body takes to that. I'm concerned, but hopefully I don't need to be.
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Camping wrap-up and some turns for the worst
I had an excellent time camping. I ate a lot of nuts and granola, with some meats thrown in around dinner time, though turkey lunch meat was pretty prevalent as well. We did a ton of walking, but ended up a bit dehydrated. Thankfully it wasn't to the point where I passed out, but I still got a good amount of headaches. (Also, it was super cold at night, and we were not prepared for that at all.)
I have been kind of eating "weirdly" lately - the food I eat throughout the day seems totally random, and I'm more having a bunch of small meals instead of just one big lunch or the like. Dinners are the only things that are "normal" - usually just some sort of meat.
Lately, though, I have been dumping a few times - maybe three times in the past two weeks. The worst is when I'm at work and having it, because there's only one ladies toilet. There aren't a lot of women, but if there is one in there (and one of the girls tends to take a long time), I have to wait. When you're in fear of messily shitting yourself, it's nerve-wracking to say the least. In most cases, I can more or less pinpoint food that made me dump. However, today it's pretty much random. There's nothing I had today that was out of the ordinary - pumpkin granola and red grapes. (That's all I've had so far today.) I've been eating the pumpkin granola for a little while, so it's not new to my stomach. I just don't know what did it. Anyway, I'm hungry now, but too scared to eat anything lest I perpetrate the cycle.
I've noticed my hair thinning lately, though it's not oily at least. (I have been only using shampoo, though.) My skin is clear more or less, and my nails are good (so the biotin's struggling as best it can).
I think one of the best things about camping was that I really was able to unplug, go off the grid (left my cell phone off except for directions/gps-ing and looking up recipes for the supper we prepared for the Saturday Moon Service), etc. It was incredibly cathartic for me. I have been less angry, less frustrated, and less stressed. Some things still hit those buttons, but not with the ferocity that they used to. There is a calmness that is attainable now, and I try to focus on that every day now. I know there's a corner of my heart and mind that holds a gentle peace - I just have to poke it every once in awhile to let it light up the rest.
I have been kind of eating "weirdly" lately - the food I eat throughout the day seems totally random, and I'm more having a bunch of small meals instead of just one big lunch or the like. Dinners are the only things that are "normal" - usually just some sort of meat.
Lately, though, I have been dumping a few times - maybe three times in the past two weeks. The worst is when I'm at work and having it, because there's only one ladies toilet. There aren't a lot of women, but if there is one in there (and one of the girls tends to take a long time), I have to wait. When you're in fear of messily shitting yourself, it's nerve-wracking to say the least. In most cases, I can more or less pinpoint food that made me dump. However, today it's pretty much random. There's nothing I had today that was out of the ordinary - pumpkin granola and red grapes. (That's all I've had so far today.) I've been eating the pumpkin granola for a little while, so it's not new to my stomach. I just don't know what did it. Anyway, I'm hungry now, but too scared to eat anything lest I perpetrate the cycle.
I've noticed my hair thinning lately, though it's not oily at least. (I have been only using shampoo, though.) My skin is clear more or less, and my nails are good (so the biotin's struggling as best it can).
I think one of the best things about camping was that I really was able to unplug, go off the grid (left my cell phone off except for directions/gps-ing and looking up recipes for the supper we prepared for the Saturday Moon Service), etc. It was incredibly cathartic for me. I have been less angry, less frustrated, and less stressed. Some things still hit those buttons, but not with the ferocity that they used to. There is a calmness that is attainable now, and I try to focus on that every day now. I know there's a corner of my heart and mind that holds a gentle peace - I just have to poke it every once in awhile to let it light up the rest.
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
It's not always rainbows and roses
For the most part, I am doing pretty well with eating foods. I have been munching on granola, seeds and nuts without having that heavy feeling I used to have. I haven't been tracking my protein and liquid intake religiously (she says after preaching it in her last post) like I had been, and I'm almost certain I should get back to it. It has become a bit more difficult because of having to figure out every since ingredient in what I'm eating - especially frustrating in granola.
Last night I made some chicken drumsticks, and I didn't finish my portion because it just made me feel nauseous. Maybe I did something wrong with the marinade, or there was an issue with the chicken, but I just had to put it down and take an anti-nausea pill later.
I haven't had any severe bowel movements lately, which is nice, but still constipated-ish as usual. I take the stool softener when I remember.
I am hoping that I don't have any digestive issues while I'm out camping, but all the food I'm making is pretty "safe." I'll keep my fingers crossed!
Last night I made some chicken drumsticks, and I didn't finish my portion because it just made me feel nauseous. Maybe I did something wrong with the marinade, or there was an issue with the chicken, but I just had to put it down and take an anti-nausea pill later.
I haven't had any severe bowel movements lately, which is nice, but still constipated-ish as usual. I take the stool softener when I remember.
I am hoping that I don't have any digestive issues while I'm out camping, but all the food I'm making is pretty "safe." I'll keep my fingers crossed!
Friday, August 30, 2013
Bariatric Recipe Resources
So, I am constantly on the prowl for new recipes. CONSTANTLY. I hate monotony in what I eat. I'm a pretty good cook (and an even better baker), so I like trying my hand at all sorts of things. Unfortunately, it involves LOTS of research. So, to the internet! As always.
There are a few websites that I think are outstanding! Well, more than a few. But, y'know. Anyway... I'm not being paid or anything to promote these websites, just sharing results of my research :D
The Bariatric Food Dude - http://bariatricfooddude.blogspot.com/
Bariatric Foodie - http://bariatricfoodie.blogspot.com/
Gina's Skinny Taste - http://www.skinnytaste.com/
Dashing Dish - http://dashingdish.com/
Those are just a few - I get a lot of other recipes from all over the internet. Great keywords to use are "high protein low carb recipes," "bariatric recipes," or anything paleo, atkins, or diabetic. The latter two tend to be higher in protein and lower in carbs, but you should always check the nutritional info with the recipe if it's provided for you!
There's also good ways to pick which recipes are better for gastric sleeve, gastric bypass, lap-band, or any other bariatric surgeries. In addition, if there's a recipe you are dying to try, try and look for substitutions! The internet is full of people who can recommend alternatives. Here's some examples of subs I've done:
Above all else, keep track of what you're eating!! You can use websites like myfitnesspal.com (and I'm sure a slew of others), but I'm actually just keeping a little notebook in my purse. Since I have good (well, low) blood pressure and good cholesterol, I am mainly watching protein and hydration. I stay mindful of carbohydrates in what I eat every day, but what I eat tends to be very, very low in carbs anyway. On a typical week day, I will have a protein shake, a snack of string cheese, a few pieces of sliced turkey breast (most turkey or white meat you find in the deli will be very low fat; the most recent I picked up was 99% fat free), another snack of string cheese later if I'm really having a hard time making it to dinner, then a piece of meat for dinner (whatever is the meat we're having with that dinner), and maybe some fruit or greek yogurt for dessert. You can pinpoint how little carbs there are - but not necessarily the protein. But y'know what? My little Fit & Active low fat/part skim mozzarella string cheese from Aldi's is about $2/package, has 8 cheeses, and it has 9 grams of protein per stick. I think that's a great snack for your wallet and your protein intake.
I will keep you posted on tips and tricks for cooking, since it's a lot of what I think about day to day. Good luck in the kitchen!
There are a few websites that I think are outstanding! Well, more than a few. But, y'know. Anyway... I'm not being paid or anything to promote these websites, just sharing results of my research :D
The Bariatric Food Dude - http://bariatricfooddude.blogspot.com/
Bariatric Foodie - http://bariatricfoodie.blogspot.com/
Gina's Skinny Taste - http://www.skinnytaste.com/
Dashing Dish - http://dashingdish.com/
Those are just a few - I get a lot of other recipes from all over the internet. Great keywords to use are "high protein low carb recipes," "bariatric recipes," or anything paleo, atkins, or diabetic. The latter two tend to be higher in protein and lower in carbs, but you should always check the nutritional info with the recipe if it's provided for you!
There's also good ways to pick which recipes are better for gastric sleeve, gastric bypass, lap-band, or any other bariatric surgeries. In addition, if there's a recipe you are dying to try, try and look for substitutions! The internet is full of people who can recommend alternatives. Here's some examples of subs I've done:
- I generally will replace heavy cream or buttermilk with evaporated milk. This will work for a majority of recipes, but sometimes you would need to keep the exact ingredients so the dish comes together properly.
- Other substitutions are if you have to use flour in your recipe, go for a non-grain, such as almond, coconut, or soy. The better "in-between" is whole wheat, if the others are out of your budget. (Trust me, budgetary concerns are at the forefront of my mind because of how much specialty foods and medicines I have to buy!)
- Use reduced fat or fat free anything whenever possible. If you have special sodium needs, you will want to check the sodium content especially in those items. You might want to check with vegan equivalents in that case, and see if they are any better.
- Instead of using corn, vegetable, canola, olive oil, etc, try using just cooking spray or another "nut based" oil, like coconut oil or avocado oil.
I can't think of any more for now, but I will try and jot down some substitutions I have made to share with you guys!
I will keep you posted on tips and tricks for cooking, since it's a lot of what I think about day to day. Good luck in the kitchen!
Crystal Light, friend or foe?
I have been having Crystal Light lately (peach iced tea). I've found it's helping me get that extra hydration in that I so desperately need. However, I think it's given me a mouth ulcer. I was inspecting this pain I've had in my mouth for a few days, and was able to check it out in the very good light at the bathroom at work. Lo and behold, it looks to me that I have an ulcer/sore in the back of my mouth, near my esophagus. It's so far back and so close to important bits that I'm uncomfortable using Orajel or Anbesol . Soo, Meryl suggested gargling with peroxide. I did it this morning, and it seemed to help a little bit. But I think the Crystal Light is what done me in, because I don't eat spicy foods or acidic stuff really, since I know those would be bothering my stomach.
Well, Crystal Light, you're the only thing new in my life.... So it's either stress or that. I hope it goes away soon, because I don't want to have to deal with this on the upcoming camping trip (less than a week ago). There's a likelihood that it's stress, but I doubt it. So this is clearly my weekly body-weirdness.....lol.
Well, Crystal Light, you're the only thing new in my life.... So it's either stress or that. I hope it goes away soon, because I don't want to have to deal with this on the upcoming camping trip (less than a week ago). There's a likelihood that it's stress, but I doubt it. So this is clearly my weekly body-weirdness.....lol.
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
Cheese?
Would you like some cheese with that cheese?
I have been eating part-skim/low-fat mozzarella string cheese like it's going out of style. I have at least 2 a day, and today it will more like be 3 or 4, since I don't have any lunch! :(
Oh well. It's cheap and protein rich - one string cheese is 9 g of protein. They're small, easily transportable, low fat, and I'm sure(-ish?) low on carbs. And you are kind of forced to eat it slowly because it's...string...cheese.
I have been eating part-skim/low-fat mozzarella string cheese like it's going out of style. I have at least 2 a day, and today it will more like be 3 or 4, since I don't have any lunch! :(
Oh well. It's cheap and protein rich - one string cheese is 9 g of protein. They're small, easily transportable, low fat, and I'm sure(-ish?) low on carbs. And you are kind of forced to eat it slowly because it's...string...cheese.
Monday, August 26, 2013
Ch-Ch-Changes
So, over the past few weeks or so, my body has been going through an absurd amount of changes. My hormones are completely unbalanced. The chemistry in my brain is unbalanced. A month ago, my cycle was 100% different than normal, so bad that I called my gynecologist to come in. She said it would probably pass, but I could come in if I wanted to. I ended up not, because it had started to taper off the next day.
Then, a couple of weeks ago, I started to get really bad acne, and my hair got incredibly oily - so bad that as soon as I would wash my hair with just shampoo, it would still be oily. I was investigating ways to dry out my hair, anti-oily shampoo. (Sadly, the options are pretty limited if you don't want to break the bank.) I also found myself pretty consistently hungry.
After a week-ish, it passed. What?! Now just mental/brain chemistry imbalances - I've been pretty depressed lately, and increasingly so, but my mania has been also complicating things. So me being manic and depressive at the same time is becoming a more frequent occurrence. I don't know if it's that my body isn't processing the chemicals in my medications well or what. I'm seeing my psychologist later this week, so it will be something I will want to talk to her about. It seems odd that we would have to up the dosage, when there's less ground to cover, in theory. But this could be just another hypochondriac moment of "wtf is going on, haaalllpppp."
I think the reason I'm becoming increasingly depressed is that I feel that I'm having to fight an uphill battle just to keep my body from falling apart. I need to struggle every day to get in the protein and liquids that I need to get, and generally am not making the cut, so I need to fight even harder than I have been. I'm kind of plateau-ing a bit when it comes to my weight, though I think the inches are coming off. (A lot of my clothing is starting to be absurdly loose on me, which is nice, except for when I can't afford anything.) That's a positive, but still discouraging a bit that the scale doesn't move much in two weeks. And in addition to all this, something new and absurd is happening to my body almost every week. My hair is starting to thin, so I'm fairly certain that no amount of biotin I take - supplements and biotin shampoo - are going to help me save my hair. So I guess I'll start shopping for wigs, which aren't too hard to find in my area. Also, money is an incredibly serious issue for me right now, and I applied for a personal loan to try and consolidate my debt and improve my credit, but was denied. Well, lovely - how am I ever supposed to get out of this hole, short of getting an amazing job and/or winning the lottery? The job thing is ridiculously unlikely, since I tried so hard for so long to get a job and just couldn't win. So it feels like an hopeless situation, definitely.
Dave and I are going camping soon, which is the only thing I'm excited for. It's the only thing that keeps me barely afloat, because it's something to hope for. Everything else...it's just going through the motions. Work, eating, doing other things - I have to drag myself to do them, and only because I absolutely have to. I've been shunning almost all social interaction. Just don't want to do anything at all. I know it's a big sign of depression - I've seen it in myself and others before. So I'm really concerned about my body processing the medications I take, since I've been on the same dosage for the anti-depressant for I can't even remember how long - probably over a year. So, we'll see. I'm tired of having to change things up constantly.
I just want things to kind of normalize. The further out I get from the surgery, the more trouble I seem to be running into. :(
Then, a couple of weeks ago, I started to get really bad acne, and my hair got incredibly oily - so bad that as soon as I would wash my hair with just shampoo, it would still be oily. I was investigating ways to dry out my hair, anti-oily shampoo. (Sadly, the options are pretty limited if you don't want to break the bank.) I also found myself pretty consistently hungry.
After a week-ish, it passed. What?! Now just mental/brain chemistry imbalances - I've been pretty depressed lately, and increasingly so, but my mania has been also complicating things. So me being manic and depressive at the same time is becoming a more frequent occurrence. I don't know if it's that my body isn't processing the chemicals in my medications well or what. I'm seeing my psychologist later this week, so it will be something I will want to talk to her about. It seems odd that we would have to up the dosage, when there's less ground to cover, in theory. But this could be just another hypochondriac moment of "wtf is going on, haaalllpppp."
I think the reason I'm becoming increasingly depressed is that I feel that I'm having to fight an uphill battle just to keep my body from falling apart. I need to struggle every day to get in the protein and liquids that I need to get, and generally am not making the cut, so I need to fight even harder than I have been. I'm kind of plateau-ing a bit when it comes to my weight, though I think the inches are coming off. (A lot of my clothing is starting to be absurdly loose on me, which is nice, except for when I can't afford anything.) That's a positive, but still discouraging a bit that the scale doesn't move much in two weeks. And in addition to all this, something new and absurd is happening to my body almost every week. My hair is starting to thin, so I'm fairly certain that no amount of biotin I take - supplements and biotin shampoo - are going to help me save my hair. So I guess I'll start shopping for wigs, which aren't too hard to find in my area. Also, money is an incredibly serious issue for me right now, and I applied for a personal loan to try and consolidate my debt and improve my credit, but was denied. Well, lovely - how am I ever supposed to get out of this hole, short of getting an amazing job and/or winning the lottery? The job thing is ridiculously unlikely, since I tried so hard for so long to get a job and just couldn't win. So it feels like an hopeless situation, definitely.
Dave and I are going camping soon, which is the only thing I'm excited for. It's the only thing that keeps me barely afloat, because it's something to hope for. Everything else...it's just going through the motions. Work, eating, doing other things - I have to drag myself to do them, and only because I absolutely have to. I've been shunning almost all social interaction. Just don't want to do anything at all. I know it's a big sign of depression - I've seen it in myself and others before. So I'm really concerned about my body processing the medications I take, since I've been on the same dosage for the anti-depressant for I can't even remember how long - probably over a year. So, we'll see. I'm tired of having to change things up constantly.
I just want things to kind of normalize. The further out I get from the surgery, the more trouble I seem to be running into. :(
Monday, August 19, 2013
Cravings and camping
I have been having some serious cravings and hunger pangs lately. Thankfully, I have scoured the internet to find things better for me - like a crustless pumpkin pie that has 6g of protein by itself for a 1/8 slice, not including protein powder - but still. The problem is I'm a good cook and a better baker, so I'm like, heck yeah I'll make some pie/cookies/etc! So it's not like I have oreos sitting in the house - it's that I'll make something that's not so hot for myself. I think half of it is that it's been more recently, and I should be getting my period soon, but still. Gotta cut it out!!
Also, I've been bemoaning/depressed about the fact that I can't afford a vacation (and almost always desperately need one, since my mechanisms for dealing with stress are poor to say the least). It kind of came to a "point" where I had a serious discussion with Dave about finances last week, since I have a regular 9-5 (8-4) job and he is a contractor that almost exclusively works weekends. Being a contractor, his work is highly irregular, and so is the money. I know he's got my back emotionally, mentally, and physically, but I also need him to have it financially, so that I don't have a nervous breakdown worrying about money, especially if there's an unexpected expense that comes up.
I've been wanting us to go to New Orleans over Halloween and November 2nd, because (A) I LOVE Halloween, and I'm sure there are so many amazing things to do in that city for the holiday, and (B) Dave's birthday is 11/2, and he loves New Orleans, and so we could celebrate it there! Well, yeah, that sucker is expensive - to the tune of at least $1k (driving or flying).
Dave said later that night that he would have something sweet for me the next day. So the next day, I'm all bouncy and cheerful (despite my lasting depression). When I got home, Dave told me we would be going on a vacation....camping! Lord, I have never been legit camping. Sometimes I do well in the outdoors, a lot of times I don't. I am a mosquito magnet - which is my primary, almost singular, beef. I was outside for maybe 5 minutes a few nights ago and got no less than 5 bug bites on my legs! Give me a freaking break. I think I may have camped outside in the backyard when I was younger, but really that doesn't count. So camping for 3 days, 4 nights, should be interesting to say the least. It's at the Four Quarters InterFaith Sanctuary in south-central Pennsylvania. Dave has been there many times before and loves it - so removed from everything, beautiful, and tranquil. He started thinking about it when I was first investigating Buddhism. Also, it's cheap, and not terribly far away. Still - cooking over a campfire? I'm concerned about what I'll be eating, and especially getting my fluids in, but I just discovered that they have water pipes/"water buffalos", so that should be good. Also, thankfully, they have toilets and showers. If they didn't, I might have put the kibosh on the whole plan. Especially with the possible unreliability of my stomach... I don't want to have to worry about pooping in excess in the woods :'(.
But! It should still be exciting. It will definitely be a new experience. :)
Also, I've been bemoaning/depressed about the fact that I can't afford a vacation (and almost always desperately need one, since my mechanisms for dealing with stress are poor to say the least). It kind of came to a "point" where I had a serious discussion with Dave about finances last week, since I have a regular 9-5 (8-4) job and he is a contractor that almost exclusively works weekends. Being a contractor, his work is highly irregular, and so is the money. I know he's got my back emotionally, mentally, and physically, but I also need him to have it financially, so that I don't have a nervous breakdown worrying about money, especially if there's an unexpected expense that comes up.
I've been wanting us to go to New Orleans over Halloween and November 2nd, because (A) I LOVE Halloween, and I'm sure there are so many amazing things to do in that city for the holiday, and (B) Dave's birthday is 11/2, and he loves New Orleans, and so we could celebrate it there! Well, yeah, that sucker is expensive - to the tune of at least $1k (driving or flying).
Dave said later that night that he would have something sweet for me the next day. So the next day, I'm all bouncy and cheerful (despite my lasting depression). When I got home, Dave told me we would be going on a vacation....camping! Lord, I have never been legit camping. Sometimes I do well in the outdoors, a lot of times I don't. I am a mosquito magnet - which is my primary, almost singular, beef. I was outside for maybe 5 minutes a few nights ago and got no less than 5 bug bites on my legs! Give me a freaking break. I think I may have camped outside in the backyard when I was younger, but really that doesn't count. So camping for 3 days, 4 nights, should be interesting to say the least. It's at the Four Quarters InterFaith Sanctuary in south-central Pennsylvania. Dave has been there many times before and loves it - so removed from everything, beautiful, and tranquil. He started thinking about it when I was first investigating Buddhism. Also, it's cheap, and not terribly far away. Still - cooking over a campfire? I'm concerned about what I'll be eating, and especially getting my fluids in, but I just discovered that they have water pipes/"water buffalos", so that should be good. Also, thankfully, they have toilets and showers. If they didn't, I might have put the kibosh on the whole plan. Especially with the possible unreliability of my stomach... I don't want to have to worry about pooping in excess in the woods :'(.
But! It should still be exciting. It will definitely be a new experience. :)
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
Recent picture
10/27/12 - weight: 275 lbs
8/10/13 - weight: 230 lbs
Pushing myself too hard, and sometimes not hard enough
I have been trying to work on expanding what foods I eat every day, as best I can. Unfortunately, that's been leading me to push the boundaries a little too far. I had been munching on raw almonds somewhat lately, and really chewing them down to the texture of pretty much nothing. Even so, they would still sit heavily in my stomach and be a little painful/ache-inducing. I didn't feel like throwing up, just felt...bad. I would end up taking an anti-nausea pill and/or some Gas-X dissolvable strips (which are kind of delicious and delightful). So last night kind of was the same thing, only worse. Granted, time's progressed, so I'm feeling more confident... Baaad idea. I made a few ramekins of blackberry slump. 1, it didn't turn out like I thought it would.. It was much more cakey than I was led to believe it would be. The blackberries didn't plop down, they just kind of hovered on the top. 2, yeah, much worse pain than the almonds had ever caused. I wandered around the apartment after having taking both meds, and then slept in the recliner, since I vaguely remember being told that you shouldn't lie down flat, because it will just make it worse. So! Live and learn. Now I just have to figure out what to do with the other slumps, since I don't think Dave will eat them...
Ok, so that part kinda sucks. So let's get on to something better!
Saturday I signed up for a membership to Planet Fitness! Exciting. I got the Planet Fitness Black Card Membership, which allows me to use any other Planet Fitness for free, I get access to some special equipment like the Red Light Therapy booths, and most importantly, I can bring in one guest a day every day for free. Which makes this perfect for me going on my own or going with Dave, and being able to go anywhere is definitely a perk. It's very clean, and I definitely feel like I can be in total isolation, even with people running on the treadmills next to me as I dodder along walking, lol. So we went for our first outing on Sunday - Dave was more nervous than I was for once. It's definitely a new environment for both of us. Somehow I managed not to obsess about going though - I guess it's because I've already been through all of that, lol. That, and I have been noticing excess skin lately, which has gotten me incredibly depressed... So I'm kind of determined to take care of that, and that can only be done with exercise (short of plastic surgery).
I'm hoping to try out the Red Light Therapy booth, which is like a tanning booth, but it's supposed to be good for warming up your muscles and reducing cellulite and wrinkles and toning your skin..blah blah. It could be all smoke and mirrors, but it would be neat to give it a try. PLUS it looks like an evil teleporter or something. XD So it's worth it just for experiencing that...
Ok, so that part kinda sucks. So let's get on to something better!
Saturday I signed up for a membership to Planet Fitness! Exciting. I got the Planet Fitness Black Card Membership, which allows me to use any other Planet Fitness for free, I get access to some special equipment like the Red Light Therapy booths, and most importantly, I can bring in one guest a day every day for free. Which makes this perfect for me going on my own or going with Dave, and being able to go anywhere is definitely a perk. It's very clean, and I definitely feel like I can be in total isolation, even with people running on the treadmills next to me as I dodder along walking, lol. So we went for our first outing on Sunday - Dave was more nervous than I was for once. It's definitely a new environment for both of us. Somehow I managed not to obsess about going though - I guess it's because I've already been through all of that, lol. That, and I have been noticing excess skin lately, which has gotten me incredibly depressed... So I'm kind of determined to take care of that, and that can only be done with exercise (short of plastic surgery).
I'm hoping to try out the Red Light Therapy booth, which is like a tanning booth, but it's supposed to be good for warming up your muscles and reducing cellulite and wrinkles and toning your skin..blah blah. It could be all smoke and mirrors, but it would be neat to give it a try. PLUS it looks like an evil teleporter or something. XD So it's worth it just for experiencing that...
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
Downward turn
Last night I was having some major pelvic cramps and pain in what I believed to be my bladder. So, thinking, okay, urinary tract infection - I'll just hit up an urgent care place during my lunch break, get antibiotics, and go on my merry way.
Well, my body had other plans in store.
I woke up, got in the shower, shaved, and was about to wash my hair when I passed out. I slid against the wall and bumped against the knobs and landed on my ass. I think I was out for a few moments, maybe 30 seconds, maybe more than that. But I turned off the shower, because after I came to, I felt incredibly nauseated. I got out of the shower, and crouched near the toilet for a good 5 minutes, expecting to hurl. After I decided my stomach contents were staying put, I got back in bed and told Dave I wasn't going to work because I had passed out in the shower.
Cue rest of drama!
So we went to the urgent care place for those things. The urgent care then referred us to the emergency room, so they could do bloodwork, IVs, and other tests. (This was after doing a pee test and EKG at the u.c.) They asked if I wanted an ambulance, and I was kind of flabbergasted lol. If I can walk and have all my parts where they ought to be, I can be driven to the hospital.
So, into the ER. My blood pressure was lower than normal at the urgent care place - 87/61. I normally have low blood pressure, but whatever. Anyway, they did some bloodwork, pee test, and hooked me up to an IV. I went through two bags of saline, and it had my blood pressure dropping even more. LOVELY. So I sat up and started to dootz around a little, and then it was fine. ;.;
We were there 5 hours.
FIVE BLOODY HOURS.
You wonder why people have to wait so long to get a room in the ER...because people who can easily be seen to are wasting space there. Rrrrrgggggg....
Whatever. I'm home now, antibiotics, and a bandaid where the IV was. Just grumpy as all get-out. However, I got great news when I got home!! My FMLA was approved!! Which makes today's call-out a non-issue, thank god. Soooo, yeah. It's fantastic news. I also got the fabric samples I ordered, which I'm going to make into a small Tibetan prayer flag garland/chain/string. :)
Well, my body had other plans in store.
I woke up, got in the shower, shaved, and was about to wash my hair when I passed out. I slid against the wall and bumped against the knobs and landed on my ass. I think I was out for a few moments, maybe 30 seconds, maybe more than that. But I turned off the shower, because after I came to, I felt incredibly nauseated. I got out of the shower, and crouched near the toilet for a good 5 minutes, expecting to hurl. After I decided my stomach contents were staying put, I got back in bed and told Dave I wasn't going to work because I had passed out in the shower.
Cue rest of drama!
So we went to the urgent care place for those things. The urgent care then referred us to the emergency room, so they could do bloodwork, IVs, and other tests. (This was after doing a pee test and EKG at the u.c.) They asked if I wanted an ambulance, and I was kind of flabbergasted lol. If I can walk and have all my parts where they ought to be, I can be driven to the hospital.
So, into the ER. My blood pressure was lower than normal at the urgent care place - 87/61. I normally have low blood pressure, but whatever. Anyway, they did some bloodwork, pee test, and hooked me up to an IV. I went through two bags of saline, and it had my blood pressure dropping even more. LOVELY. So I sat up and started to dootz around a little, and then it was fine. ;.;
We were there 5 hours.
FIVE BLOODY HOURS.
You wonder why people have to wait so long to get a room in the ER...because people who can easily be seen to are wasting space there. Rrrrrgggggg....
Whatever. I'm home now, antibiotics, and a bandaid where the IV was. Just grumpy as all get-out. However, I got great news when I got home!! My FMLA was approved!! Which makes today's call-out a non-issue, thank god. Soooo, yeah. It's fantastic news. I also got the fabric samples I ordered, which I'm going to make into a small Tibetan prayer flag garland/chain/string. :)
Monday, August 5, 2013
Creative reuse!
I've been meaning to do something with my old jug of Dymatize ISO-100. So, cat food! Put the new jug next to it, for a before and after. :)
I am also working on crocheting a shawl. I just learned, so I'm totally in the zone. It's very good at distracting me from food, lol.
Friday, August 2, 2013
25 lbs down!
After about 5 weeks, I am officially down 25 pounds! I'm kind of ecstatic. I am hoping to exercise more in the upcoming weeks, as I'm going to be getting a membership to Planet Fitness, and thinking about doing some yoga classes as well (for the meditation/serenity aspect, as well as just general fitness and flexibility). I am feeling thinner, but there's not a huge difference in clothing yet. The last time I weighed about this weight was in 2005, so I'm definitely feeling a little high from it.
Also, I was joking with my coworker yesterday that I wondered how far medical records go back.. That way I could call my old doctor that I used to see in NJ (back when I was in high school and such) and see what my weights were back then, lolol. See when the last time I was at my goal weight (160 currently, though I might change it to be lower down the road). Alas, I'm pretty sure medical records aren't held for long.
Also, I was joking with my coworker yesterday that I wondered how far medical records go back.. That way I could call my old doctor that I used to see in NJ (back when I was in high school and such) and see what my weights were back then, lolol. See when the last time I was at my goal weight (160 currently, though I might change it to be lower down the road). Alas, I'm pretty sure medical records aren't held for long.
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Maple Cinnamon Pancake Protein Shake, and "Lady Talk"
Ok, so I'm a day late... Sorry loves. Here's the recipe, though, as promised!
Maple Cinnamon Pancake Protein Shake
1 scoop vanilla protein powder
1/2 cup rolled oats
1/4 tbsp. cinnamon
1 tbsp sugar-free maple syrup
8 oz./1 cup skim milk
That's it! Blend that sucker up and enjoy! Om nom nom.
Ok, this part is for the ladies I suppose. Though, truly, men - don't be scared... It's just our bodies, right? :P Ninnies.
.............Ready?
I got my period last Thursday, and it was very heavy. It continued to be very heavy through Monday. Now, normally, I usually get my periods approximately every 45-60 days, and they are incredibly light, because I have a Mirena IUD. I asked my nurse, she said she figured it would be the other way around (lighter periods), but she said to contact my gynecologist to see about more information. So I called my gynecologist and left a message, since she was out of the office. When I talked to her on Tuesday, my flow had already gotten very light. So I spoke to her about it, and she said it's probably just your dietary changes and rapid weight loss, and your body is just trying to adjust. But, if I wanted to, I could come in for an exam just to make sure nothing was amiss with my IUD (though all she would be doing really is feeling for the strings, as she said - and that I can do that on my own of course). I was planning on making an appointment and then I got disconnected en route to the appointment setter lol. But I think it was for the best.
Because! Not being satisfied with either healthcare professional really knowing what was happening (like my fat foot...siiigh), I went to the internet! Of course. Other people on the gastricsleeve.com forums had spoken about this same problem, and a majority of them had Mirena IUDs. SO! More investigation. I came across this article at My Dukan Diet (author has since moved to this blog). I found it to be much, much, much more helpful than any of the doctorly advice I had received, and it immediately calmed my nerves. Please read the article - it's very well-written and researched rather well in my opinion. Anyway, while I got a shaky answer out of my gynecologist, this was kind of my solid double-confirmation.
Unfortunately, it doesn't help my problems, lol. But it explains a lot...the heavier bleeding, but also my insane acne that I've been having starting just over a week ago. Hooray, estrogen having a field day! In addition, I had my horrendous doom cramps in my right ovary... Off and on, I will get cysts on that ovary (only that one) that go away on their own; unfortunately, since they're so minor, there's nothing really to be done about it. So, this was one of those times. Though this is not an official/listed side effect of the Mirena IUDs, it's not uncommon at all. I'm concerned that if I went to my gynecologist and explained this all to her, she would remove the IUD and put me on the pill, which is used often to regulate estrogen more closely, as well as deal with acne. I used to be on the pill, and I was very bad about taking it. I wouldn't take it at the same time every day, mainly. Which means it wouldn't be working like it ought to be. I still cannot take a pill at the same time every day. I take pills every day, yes, but when they fit into my time table - and not at strict times by any means. In any case, DO NOT WANT. Seriously. Also the IUD is much cheaper for me in the long run, and more appropriate - since I'm pretty damn sure I don't want children, and a long-term birth control is much more suitable for my needs.
Unfortunately, it doesn't help my problems, lol. But it explains a lot...the heavier bleeding, but also my insane acne that I've been having starting just over a week ago. Hooray, estrogen having a field day! In addition, I had my horrendous doom cramps in my right ovary... Off and on, I will get cysts on that ovary (only that one) that go away on their own; unfortunately, since they're so minor, there's nothing really to be done about it. So, this was one of those times. Though this is not an official/listed side effect of the Mirena IUDs, it's not uncommon at all. I'm concerned that if I went to my gynecologist and explained this all to her, she would remove the IUD and put me on the pill, which is used often to regulate estrogen more closely, as well as deal with acne. I used to be on the pill, and I was very bad about taking it. I wouldn't take it at the same time every day, mainly. Which means it wouldn't be working like it ought to be. I still cannot take a pill at the same time every day. I take pills every day, yes, but when they fit into my time table - and not at strict times by any means. In any case, DO NOT WANT. Seriously. Also the IUD is much cheaper for me in the long run, and more appropriate - since I'm pretty damn sure I don't want children, and a long-term birth control is much more suitable for my needs.
Still experiencing some light bleeding as of today, but it's nowhere near as bad as it was by any means. I hope that the next one won't be as earth-shatteringly-terrifying as this one was.
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
What I'm Eating, 1 month out
So, here's a snapshot/example of what my meals are currently looking like, as I continue to transition from purees to soft/solid foods.
Morning: protein shake, usually just regular protein powder + water
Mid-morning or mid-afternoon: low-fat or part skim mozzarella string cheese
Lunch: 2 oz of lunch meat, lean
Dinner: "interesting" protein smoothie
Dessert: optional! Sometimes I will have pudding, or an amazing apple cinnamon Greek frozen yogurt that they sell at Giant (store brand!), but that's only if it's around and/or made. Otherwise, by the time I'm done dinner, I probably won't be hungry again the rest of the night.
I am hoping to start more solid foods at dinner time, though. It's just hard at the moment because we have a lot of "Dave food" in the house, and not much "Laura food" other than a ton of smoothie stuff, lol! Sooo, smoothies are where it's at. I made a delicious maple cinnamon pancake smoothie last night...which unfortunately I can't seem to find on the internet. (I'll transcribe it later tonight for you guys!) And there are some really swell ones I've been making; not very many duds.
One of the savory things I have made is protein crepes. I did a manicotti-type filling with fat free ricotta, reduced fat mozzarella, and basil/oregano. It ended up being 26 grams of protein! Sweet. It made a kind of "smallish" crepe, imo, but I don't think it was meant to be filled like I filled it. Either way, it was fantastic. I made one for my boyfriend with spinach, mozzarella, tomatoes and basil (and oregano)... It was kind of ginormous so I had to fold it into a square shape instead. Either way, om. Nom. Nom. Delicious. So I'm very excited to make that again! (BTW, I used unflavored protein powder, though if you wanted to make one on the sweeter side, you could use flavors like vanilla or chocolate. Lots of room for experimentation here!)
Ok, onward and upward! (Or, downward, I guess. :D)
Morning: protein shake, usually just regular protein powder + water
- Right now I'm using Dymatize ISO-100 whey protein powder, milk chocolate flavor (discontinued?) picked up at my local GNC. I recently reordered from Amazon, and went for the gourmet chocolate, so we'll see how that goes!
Mid-morning or mid-afternoon: low-fat or part skim mozzarella string cheese
Lunch: 2 oz of lunch meat, lean
- Turkey or roast beef at the moment; ones that would be definitely out: bologna, pepperoni, salami, etc.
Dinner: "interesting" protein smoothie
- This is where I try out some of the recipes I find around the internet - I have a Pinterest board for those recipes, of course. I had to separate it out from my 'old' food board, since I didn't particularly want to wade through all the delicious stuff that I can't have anymore!
Dessert: optional! Sometimes I will have pudding, or an amazing apple cinnamon Greek frozen yogurt that they sell at Giant (store brand!), but that's only if it's around and/or made. Otherwise, by the time I'm done dinner, I probably won't be hungry again the rest of the night.
I am hoping to start more solid foods at dinner time, though. It's just hard at the moment because we have a lot of "Dave food" in the house, and not much "Laura food" other than a ton of smoothie stuff, lol! Sooo, smoothies are where it's at. I made a delicious maple cinnamon pancake smoothie last night...which unfortunately I can't seem to find on the internet. (I'll transcribe it later tonight for you guys!) And there are some really swell ones I've been making; not very many duds.
One of the savory things I have made is protein crepes. I did a manicotti-type filling with fat free ricotta, reduced fat mozzarella, and basil/oregano. It ended up being 26 grams of protein! Sweet. It made a kind of "smallish" crepe, imo, but I don't think it was meant to be filled like I filled it. Either way, it was fantastic. I made one for my boyfriend with spinach, mozzarella, tomatoes and basil (and oregano)... It was kind of ginormous so I had to fold it into a square shape instead. Either way, om. Nom. Nom. Delicious. So I'm very excited to make that again! (BTW, I used unflavored protein powder, though if you wanted to make one on the sweeter side, you could use flavors like vanilla or chocolate. Lots of room for experimentation here!)
Ok, onward and upward! (Or, downward, I guess. :D)
Friday, July 26, 2013
Keeping Up
This week has been incredibly difficult for me. I have been exhausted all the time, to the point of starting to drift off while driving. I am struggling to get my protein intake in, which might be why I'm so tired. So far I have only had one day that I was able to get in 70+ grams of protein. The rest of the days, I average somewhere around 40. The real issue is that for me to supplement that protein, I need to drink Isopure every day pretty much.... And I can't afford that. I can't afford to buy drinks that cost $4.50 a bottle. I don't like the Nectar protein powders at all (I think they're foul), and anything else that has been a protein "drink" instead of "shake" has been an incredible waste of time and taste buds. SOOOOO, there's that. On the plus side, I'm doing decent on my hydration! So...there's that as well! Yay!
I'm working along on soft foods pretty well! After the asparagus hiccup. I've had some string cheese, raspberries, banana, deli turkey meat, and that's all been fine. :) I tried making some mashed cauliflower last night and followed a specific recipe, and it turned out like awful gruel. It was so bad that even though I had spent a long while on it, I took 3 spoonfuls and dumped the rest. (Can't link the recipe unfortunately - it was in one of the cookbooks.)
I'm keeping a little notebook with two columns - protein and hydro. It's definitely making me more accountable to myself.
I think my exhaustion has just been from being back at work full-time, and being very, very busy at work. Most days I haven't gone out for lunch, just because I've been working on this, that, or the other thing. Today is also more or less one of those days. But part of it is that I push myself beyond my physical and mental limits always. And there's pretty much no one to stop me from myself, lol.
Things have been a little tense with Dave.. I haven't been feeling very "special," and I think it's just not really communicating as much as we had been when I was home all the time. Being at work and being busy has been depressing and exhausting (and lonely! since I hardly talk to anyone on a personal level at all, all day long). So I'd like to come home to my love standing there with open arms and asking me about my day and telling me about his, or just texting me throughout the day with something to say, anything interesting... Otherwise, just blankly asking "how's it going"... it hardly means anything. Especially down here in "the South" where people just say that passing by each other on the sidewalk. Up in NJ/PA/etc, that never happens - if they say anything, it might be hello, good morning, good afternoon, evenin', whatev - but that's rare, and usually only in the neighborhood. Whatevs, sorry for the tangent. Anyway! Dave put together a really sweet basket of stuff for me on Wednesday that made me cry - because he was thinking about me, and about the shitty day I was having, and my general poor attitude for days and days. I should always realize he loves me, but clearly if I'm not interacting with him in-depth, it gets to me.
Oy vey, this has been a rambly post. Sorry about that folks... I'll try to be a bit more focused next time. Til then!
I'm working along on soft foods pretty well! After the asparagus hiccup. I've had some string cheese, raspberries, banana, deli turkey meat, and that's all been fine. :) I tried making some mashed cauliflower last night and followed a specific recipe, and it turned out like awful gruel. It was so bad that even though I had spent a long while on it, I took 3 spoonfuls and dumped the rest. (Can't link the recipe unfortunately - it was in one of the cookbooks.)
I'm keeping a little notebook with two columns - protein and hydro. It's definitely making me more accountable to myself.
I think my exhaustion has just been from being back at work full-time, and being very, very busy at work. Most days I haven't gone out for lunch, just because I've been working on this, that, or the other thing. Today is also more or less one of those days. But part of it is that I push myself beyond my physical and mental limits always. And there's pretty much no one to stop me from myself, lol.
Things have been a little tense with Dave.. I haven't been feeling very "special," and I think it's just not really communicating as much as we had been when I was home all the time. Being at work and being busy has been depressing and exhausting (and lonely! since I hardly talk to anyone on a personal level at all, all day long). So I'd like to come home to my love standing there with open arms and asking me about my day and telling me about his, or just texting me throughout the day with something to say, anything interesting... Otherwise, just blankly asking "how's it going"... it hardly means anything. Especially down here in "the South" where people just say that passing by each other on the sidewalk. Up in NJ/PA/etc, that never happens - if they say anything, it might be hello, good morning, good afternoon, evenin', whatev - but that's rare, and usually only in the neighborhood. Whatevs, sorry for the tangent. Anyway! Dave put together a really sweet basket of stuff for me on Wednesday that made me cry - because he was thinking about me, and about the shitty day I was having, and my general poor attitude for days and days. I should always realize he loves me, but clearly if I'm not interacting with him in-depth, it gets to me.
Oy vey, this has been a rambly post. Sorry about that folks... I'll try to be a bit more focused next time. Til then!
Monday, July 22, 2013
Dietary progression/regression
I talked to Dave about this a little last night, since I haven't really talked about it at length with anyone yet. I had posted to the gastricsleeve.com forums about this, but haven't really got much info, other than asparagus = no, because it's fibrous. Didn't think about that one, thought it was one of the "good guys". :'(
Unfortunately, not much help in regards to the fact that I'm having difficulty getting down protein shakes and smoothies. It's not that I feel the need to vomit, it's just incredibly full feeling almost immediately. And this definitely wasn't happening when I first started on the upward dietary progression! The doctors and nurses especially stressed to me that if you feel full, stop, because one more bite/sip could make you throw up or cause extreme pain. So where's the middle ground? I need to get my protein in, and it's been incredibly hard. I can't afford to drink Isopures every day - at $4.50 a pop, I can hardly afford more than a few at a time.
For example, I made an amazingly delicious apple cinnamon protein smoothie yesterday morning. It was pretty great on the first time through, though a bit chewy (tooooo thick, plus flaxseed always makes things a bit chewier). I watered it down for round 2. Harder to get through. Round 3, same. I could hardly finish the 8 oz I made for myself over an hour - which is the time it should take to get through it. I'd get through maybe 2 ounces and feel super full, and have to wait 20 minutes or so until I felt capable of going at it again. The downside with that smoothie/shake is that it doesn't have a lot of protein, comparably - only ~33 grams in the whole shebang. So I only ended up with about 11g of protein in each of my servings. The reeses protein shake I made has a lot more, but that's because of the double helping of protein. But still. I unfortunately need to get used to leftovers, since I've kind of hated them all my life. Having the same thing for every "meal" yesterday kind of killed me. But at the same time, if I don't force myself to have it again, I will just make something new and it will most likely go to waste and need to be thrown out.
In other news, one of the forum members did make a suggestion about having issues with just plain protein shakes (protein powder + water - even milk makes me intolerably full and slightly queasy). Maybe it's the whey? So I'm trying out a soy isolate shake today, and I gotta say I'm not impressed or enjoying it. It definitely has a weird taste/mouth-feel that I'm not impressed with. I'm wondering if maybe I'm developing lactose intolerance - or the very miniscule issues I had with it years ago are coming back. In which case, nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!! Not sure what I would do after that. I also know that I'm not good with eggs, though my primary care physician was like, meh, maybe you just had too many, just don't have them for awhile. Well, how will I know if I have an allergy if I don't eat them and have a reaction? Derp, can't you just test me anyway? Nope. Double derp.
All in all, I'm pretty stressed about the state of things and my stomach not cooperating. I have an appointment a week from today with the nurse, so I'm going to bring these things up to her. I'm supposed to be on soft foods (stage 4), and it doesn't really bother me that I'm not there yet, but at the same time, I'm concerned that I'm hardly able to do full liquids (stage 2). :(
Unfortunately, not much help in regards to the fact that I'm having difficulty getting down protein shakes and smoothies. It's not that I feel the need to vomit, it's just incredibly full feeling almost immediately. And this definitely wasn't happening when I first started on the upward dietary progression! The doctors and nurses especially stressed to me that if you feel full, stop, because one more bite/sip could make you throw up or cause extreme pain. So where's the middle ground? I need to get my protein in, and it's been incredibly hard. I can't afford to drink Isopures every day - at $4.50 a pop, I can hardly afford more than a few at a time.
For example, I made an amazingly delicious apple cinnamon protein smoothie yesterday morning. It was pretty great on the first time through, though a bit chewy (tooooo thick, plus flaxseed always makes things a bit chewier). I watered it down for round 2. Harder to get through. Round 3, same. I could hardly finish the 8 oz I made for myself over an hour - which is the time it should take to get through it. I'd get through maybe 2 ounces and feel super full, and have to wait 20 minutes or so until I felt capable of going at it again. The downside with that smoothie/shake is that it doesn't have a lot of protein, comparably - only ~33 grams in the whole shebang. So I only ended up with about 11g of protein in each of my servings. The reeses protein shake I made has a lot more, but that's because of the double helping of protein. But still. I unfortunately need to get used to leftovers, since I've kind of hated them all my life. Having the same thing for every "meal" yesterday kind of killed me. But at the same time, if I don't force myself to have it again, I will just make something new and it will most likely go to waste and need to be thrown out.
In other news, one of the forum members did make a suggestion about having issues with just plain protein shakes (protein powder + water - even milk makes me intolerably full and slightly queasy). Maybe it's the whey? So I'm trying out a soy isolate shake today, and I gotta say I'm not impressed or enjoying it. It definitely has a weird taste/mouth-feel that I'm not impressed with. I'm wondering if maybe I'm developing lactose intolerance - or the very miniscule issues I had with it years ago are coming back. In which case, nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!! Not sure what I would do after that. I also know that I'm not good with eggs, though my primary care physician was like, meh, maybe you just had too many, just don't have them for awhile. Well, how will I know if I have an allergy if I don't eat them and have a reaction? Derp, can't you just test me anyway? Nope. Double derp.
All in all, I'm pretty stressed about the state of things and my stomach not cooperating. I have an appointment a week from today with the nurse, so I'm going to bring these things up to her. I'm supposed to be on soft foods (stage 4), and it doesn't really bother me that I'm not there yet, but at the same time, I'm concerned that I'm hardly able to do full liquids (stage 2). :(
Sunday, July 21, 2013
Small dietary drama and recipe reorganization
So, I was pretty eager to try and start on some soft foods. Last night I picked up a steamer bag of asparagus and steamed the hell out of them, so they were pretty mushy. I cut them up small, the "size of my thumbnail", and ate as slow as possible. I filled up so quickly, I couldn't believe it. I probably ended up eating 5 stalks total. They sat fine! I was so glad. Even if I felt much fuller than when I've had anything else.
So, today, for lunch, I went back to the asparagus and did it again. I don't know if I ate too quickly or what, but I've had an unpleasant pressure in my chest/stomach ever since. I took an anti-nausea pill because I was feeling queasy, and it wasn't helping for quite some time, but I'm feeling mostly better now. Not sure where I want to go from here, truthfully. Maybe I should try making cauliflower "mashed potatoes" or something that has a closer to puree consistency. Oh well :\
In trying to find more recipe suggestions for soft foods and the like, I've been turning to a few books, as well as the internet. (Well, mostly the internet, because I prefer to pin my recipes...) I already own Recipes for Life After Weight Loss Surgery by Margaret Furtado and Eating Well After Weight Loss Surgery by Patt Levine. From my local library I checked out The Complete Idiot's Guide to Eating Well After Weight Loss Surgery, also by Margaret Furtado. (I also accidentally took out an earlier version of the first book mentioned...whoops!) Of all of the books, I find the first one to be the most helpful. It's laid out very clearly in what stage you would be at for that recipe. However, the only book that's mentioned VSG (vertical sleeve gastrectomy) on its own is the Complete Idiot's Guide - and for that I am very grateful. For a surgery that is increasingly common and/or "popular", it should really bear greater mention then just "oh, you kind of follow the same dietary track as the Lap-Band." Lastly, the book by Levine also has a great strength in that it lists ways to customize any of the recipes for whatever stage you're at. All of these books have their share of strengths and weaknesses and absurdly similar titles (hence my accidentally checking out an earlier edition of a book I already own).
Onto something else...
I have been doing a lot of experimenting lately with different protein shake/smoothie recipes. Some of them have been absolutely fantastic, some of them....mmm not so much. I am on a crusade against bananas at the moment, i.e. don't want them in my smoothies or shakes, since the banana flavor overpowers anything else. I like bananas well enough, although pretty much just raw is fine by me. But...yeah. Anyway! Moving along. Looking for new things that have different components, so I can build on the basic protein powder flavors I have. (Currently I have vanilla, chocolate, strawberry, unflavored, and "banana creme" for Dave, not me obviously.) In any case, there are obviously tons of resources online. Two great resources that I especially liked tonight were a pretty comprehensive list of shake recipes at Dashing Dish, and a quick-n-dirty table of 144 different protein shake recipes at Fit Desk Jockey. The recipes at FDJ aren't specifically for weight loss, though - the ones that are specifically for bulking up say so. But, obviously, you can use your best judgement - "Wait, this has a Snickers bar in it? Uhhh..." (Random example - I don't think any of them actually have that.)
Also, as I mentioned earlier, I prefer the interwebs to books just because I love having recipes on my Pinterest! Today I spent a good while weeding through my recipe board to separate out the healthy vs regular recipes. Granted, some of the ones on mine aren't healthy across the board for everybody - there are some buttery almond bars that have gobs of butter. Low to no carb, but very high in fat - so there are things with both positives and negatives obviously. The board won't be for everyone, though some of the recipes are just general low-calorie or low-fat options as well. In any case, I definitely want to share my pinterest board - http://pinterest.com/raphaelsmuse/om-nom-the-super-healthy-laura-version/ - as a resource as well. Many of the online forums have recipe threads as well - gastricsleeve.com, verticalsleevetalk.com, and thinnertimesforum.com (just found out about the last one!) - so those are also incredibly invaluable resources.
So, today, for lunch, I went back to the asparagus and did it again. I don't know if I ate too quickly or what, but I've had an unpleasant pressure in my chest/stomach ever since. I took an anti-nausea pill because I was feeling queasy, and it wasn't helping for quite some time, but I'm feeling mostly better now. Not sure where I want to go from here, truthfully. Maybe I should try making cauliflower "mashed potatoes" or something that has a closer to puree consistency. Oh well :\
In trying to find more recipe suggestions for soft foods and the like, I've been turning to a few books, as well as the internet. (Well, mostly the internet, because I prefer to pin my recipes...) I already own Recipes for Life After Weight Loss Surgery by Margaret Furtado and Eating Well After Weight Loss Surgery by Patt Levine. From my local library I checked out The Complete Idiot's Guide to Eating Well After Weight Loss Surgery, also by Margaret Furtado. (I also accidentally took out an earlier version of the first book mentioned...whoops!) Of all of the books, I find the first one to be the most helpful. It's laid out very clearly in what stage you would be at for that recipe. However, the only book that's mentioned VSG (vertical sleeve gastrectomy) on its own is the Complete Idiot's Guide - and for that I am very grateful. For a surgery that is increasingly common and/or "popular", it should really bear greater mention then just "oh, you kind of follow the same dietary track as the Lap-Band." Lastly, the book by Levine also has a great strength in that it lists ways to customize any of the recipes for whatever stage you're at. All of these books have their share of strengths and weaknesses and absurdly similar titles (hence my accidentally checking out an earlier edition of a book I already own).
Onto something else...
I have been doing a lot of experimenting lately with different protein shake/smoothie recipes. Some of them have been absolutely fantastic, some of them....mmm not so much. I am on a crusade against bananas at the moment, i.e. don't want them in my smoothies or shakes, since the banana flavor overpowers anything else. I like bananas well enough, although pretty much just raw is fine by me. But...yeah. Anyway! Moving along. Looking for new things that have different components, so I can build on the basic protein powder flavors I have. (Currently I have vanilla, chocolate, strawberry, unflavored, and "banana creme" for Dave, not me obviously.) In any case, there are obviously tons of resources online. Two great resources that I especially liked tonight were a pretty comprehensive list of shake recipes at Dashing Dish, and a quick-n-dirty table of 144 different protein shake recipes at Fit Desk Jockey. The recipes at FDJ aren't specifically for weight loss, though - the ones that are specifically for bulking up say so. But, obviously, you can use your best judgement - "Wait, this has a Snickers bar in it? Uhhh..." (Random example - I don't think any of them actually have that.)
Also, as I mentioned earlier, I prefer the interwebs to books just because I love having recipes on my Pinterest! Today I spent a good while weeding through my recipe board to separate out the healthy vs regular recipes. Granted, some of the ones on mine aren't healthy across the board for everybody - there are some buttery almond bars that have gobs of butter. Low to no carb, but very high in fat - so there are things with both positives and negatives obviously. The board won't be for everyone, though some of the recipes are just general low-calorie or low-fat options as well. In any case, I definitely want to share my pinterest board - http://pinterest.com/raphaelsmuse/om-nom-the-super-healthy-laura-version/ - as a resource as well. Many of the online forums have recipe threads as well - gastricsleeve.com, verticalsleevetalk.com, and thinnertimesforum.com (just found out about the last one!) - so those are also incredibly invaluable resources.
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
Back into the maelstrom
So, today is my first day back at work, even though it's just a half day. My desk was literally clean, but not actually clean. There's a huge stack of work for me to do, and my tendency is to try and knock it out as soon as I get it. I'm having to force myself to slow down so I don't go under.
In addition, I've been struggling for a few days to get my protein and liquids in. My liquids haven't been as bad, and I'm paying close attention to my body's signals to watch for any signs of dehydration. Protein...just having difficulty because I've been having stomach trouble with getting protein shakes down. I've been able to do some Isopure Zero Carb (waters), but it leaves an odd film on my teeth, and it makes my breath stink. I've been trying to make some smoothies, but they're touch and go. So many of them use bananas, I guess for a thickener? But they end up all tasting like banana. I made a pumpkin pie smoothie last night that was best described by Dave as tasting like "banana with pumpkin spice." Yes, I included the pumpkin. The sum of the shake was 30g of protein, but I was only able to finish half last night. I took the rest for lunch today, but about halfway through that I had to stop... just discomfort and a little bit of nausea. Don't know if it was the taste or what. Alas.... alas. I am going to have to do some more finegling.
In addition, I've been struggling for a few days to get my protein and liquids in. My liquids haven't been as bad, and I'm paying close attention to my body's signals to watch for any signs of dehydration. Protein...just having difficulty because I've been having stomach trouble with getting protein shakes down. I've been able to do some Isopure Zero Carb (waters), but it leaves an odd film on my teeth, and it makes my breath stink. I've been trying to make some smoothies, but they're touch and go. So many of them use bananas, I guess for a thickener? But they end up all tasting like banana. I made a pumpkin pie smoothie last night that was best described by Dave as tasting like "banana with pumpkin spice." Yes, I included the pumpkin. The sum of the shake was 30g of protein, but I was only able to finish half last night. I took the rest for lunch today, but about halfway through that I had to stop... just discomfort and a little bit of nausea. Don't know if it was the taste or what. Alas.... alas. I am going to have to do some more finegling.
Monday, July 15, 2013
Officially Return to Work Date
I'm officially set to return to work this Wednesday, for half days Wed/Thurs/Fri. I heard back from the nurse late in the day when I called her last week, and I'm hoping I'll be ok. I will be back to work one day shy of my 3 weeks, but I think I'll be ok. I may try and do a clear liquid diet on Wednesday so I'll be "safe" and shouldn't expect any stomach upheaval. I'm not terribly concerned about getting carsick with the commute, since it will only be about 30 minutes.
I've forgotten/gotten over the fact that I will probably never have this much time off from work for the rest of my life. Thankfully, Life has interceded and kicked that right into the corners of my mind.
I'm a tad concerned about some "firefighting" I'm going to have to do when I get back, but I don't think it's anything I can't handle, as long as I take my time. I think the half days will be really helpful in that regard. I've checked my work email a few times and responded to things that I can, but clearly I'm going to need to make a to-do list when I get back to accomplish things that I said I would do when I got back, such as ordering rip-rap, taking care of county tax bills, and sorting out invoice complications.
There's a good chance I haven't said what my job is before. I am an office assistant, and though my pay grade and place on the official totem pole is pretty low (with the low salary...*fume*), my actual place is pretty high within my section. I am the primary/only person who does purchasing, and the primary person who does payroll. There are ways other people in my section can do it, but it would be such a clusterf-- that it wouldn't be worth it at all. As it was, the last payroll was really touch-and-go, even with me doing as much preparation beforehand to get things to go smoothly. Oh well - when people don't take my instructions/help/advice seriously, then it's out of my hands. I know I will still catch flak for it, but that's nothing new. It's always easier to blame someone else, especially subordinates who have no redress.
Meh, meh. Work is not so hot to go back to, but I know I'm valued by those who matter, and have friends there, so I can do it! I CAN DO IT! *puffs out chest and fist pump to try and pysch self up*
I've forgotten/gotten over the fact that I will probably never have this much time off from work for the rest of my life. Thankfully, Life has interceded and kicked that right into the corners of my mind.
I'm a tad concerned about some "firefighting" I'm going to have to do when I get back, but I don't think it's anything I can't handle, as long as I take my time. I think the half days will be really helpful in that regard. I've checked my work email a few times and responded to things that I can, but clearly I'm going to need to make a to-do list when I get back to accomplish things that I said I would do when I got back, such as ordering rip-rap, taking care of county tax bills, and sorting out invoice complications.
There's a good chance I haven't said what my job is before. I am an office assistant, and though my pay grade and place on the official totem pole is pretty low (with the low salary...*fume*), my actual place is pretty high within my section. I am the primary/only person who does purchasing, and the primary person who does payroll. There are ways other people in my section can do it, but it would be such a clusterf-- that it wouldn't be worth it at all. As it was, the last payroll was really touch-and-go, even with me doing as much preparation beforehand to get things to go smoothly. Oh well - when people don't take my instructions/help/advice seriously, then it's out of my hands. I know I will still catch flak for it, but that's nothing new. It's always easier to blame someone else, especially subordinates who have no redress.
Meh, meh. Work is not so hot to go back to, but I know I'm valued by those who matter, and have friends there, so I can do it! I CAN DO IT! *puffs out chest and fist pump to try and pysch self up*
So, I finally had some issues
(By the way - I don't know if any of you have recognized this, but I have a predisposition to starting posts, paragraphs, sentences with "So,". I know it's pretty unnecessary, but it's how I do! How. I. Do.)
Saturday night, I started having some diarrhea after having the soup. I'm guessing it's due to the richness of it? But I also had other new things - caffeine (Earl Grey and generic Lipton tea) as well as Equal. I know you're not supposed to try more than one thing at a time, but obviously I was like "ha~, my stomach's been complacent/compliant/etc, so I'll be all good!". Yeah, no. So, my stomach woes continued through Sunday morning and throughout the day.
Our (Dave and my) original schedule for the day was to go to lunch with my friend, check out my sister's new digs, and then head up to Manhattan for a concert he was playing at a club on the Lower East Side. Well! I had already had trouble being carsick on the way up, which has never happened to me in my life. With the stomach troubles continuing, there was just no way I was going to be able to make the haul up to NYC (2 hrs), hang out in a club, then 2 hrs back, or 5 hrs if we went directly from NYC home (and get home like 1 am). Since I was home, I wouldn't've been able to just have Dave drive my car - and something I probably wouldn't have done anyway. My dad would have wigged. out. if Dave drove my car. And I would've been wigging out too, since he's still a pretty green driver and New York City was treacherous for me, and I'm seasoned and savvy. So all the plans got jumbled up, like they were thrown in a hat and shaken by a five-year-old. What ended up happening was we hung out with my friend at her house instead of going out to lunch (I was sticking to clear fluids, so at least I followed those instructions for post-stomach-upset), then came back and packed up the car, then drove Dave up to the Hamilton New Jersey Transit station so he could take the Northeast Corridor train up into NY Penn Station, then take the F train over to the club. This is of course all with his guitar and amp and clothes - generally this that and the other thing. He has never had a case for his electric guitar, so we managed to find a case at home (thank god for pseudo-musicians in the family!), though it was an incredibly poor fit and made his guitar bang around. So it was padded with all his crap. Needless to say, he was lugging around some serious weight. After the concert, he had dinner at The Meatball Shop, then hopped back on the train and headed over to the Javits Center to pick up a Megabus at 11 (pm) to come back to Baltimore directly. While he was doing his things, I drove back from the Hamilton station and checked out my sister's new digs, then drove home on 40, the more circuitous/pokey route, so I would be able to stop pretty much any time if I needed to. It ended up taking me a lot longer to get home than expected, but I survived. I also pre-emptively took an anti-nausea pill, full well expecting the car sickness to return. Then I dootzed around at home, fell asleep for about an hour, then woke up again at 1:30 to go pick up Dave from the bus stop in White Marsh at 2:20 am. Dave's friend crapped out on us (no surprise to me, but whatever - it's hard to earn my trust back once it's been fractured and then broken), who is always a night owl and would've been much better to pick him up. Oh no, drag Laura out, who is feeling like crap and has driven 5 hours today, to go pick up her boyfriend, because she's loving and responsible. Bahhhhh.
Sooo, that saga's over, though I slept til 11 today. I slept on the recliner because Dave was kind of whining/minorly complaining about how he wants a King or California King sized bed because he wants to have the option to cuddle with me or to stretch the f-- out. Right now, we have a full. Since he had quite an exhausting journey with the concert and schlepping probably a total of 50 lbs of weight around New York, I told him to just take the bed and I'd plop on the recliner. I woke up briefly a few times to find my cat Disa sleeping on me in multiple positions, which I loved very much. She's my oldest cat (6 yrs old), and is the sweetest most loving girl ever. She's a tabby/Bengal mix, and since Bengals are supposed to have a slightly longer lifespan, I'm hoping she'll live forever.
I'm feeling slightly better today, though wary to go back to my purees, which is what stage I was at. I'm sick of the clear liquids (I'm not a fan of drinking bottles of Isopure Zero Carb at length, since it gives me bad breath and puts a weird film on my teeth), and definitely want to take advantage of these smoothie recipes and juicing and etc etc.
There's more I want to post about, but this post is getting excessively long, so I will try and resume later after people have had a chance to sit back and not listen to my rambling.
Ta for now!
Saturday night, I started having some diarrhea after having the soup. I'm guessing it's due to the richness of it? But I also had other new things - caffeine (Earl Grey and generic Lipton tea) as well as Equal. I know you're not supposed to try more than one thing at a time, but obviously I was like "ha~, my stomach's been complacent/compliant/etc, so I'll be all good!". Yeah, no. So, my stomach woes continued through Sunday morning and throughout the day.
Our (Dave and my) original schedule for the day was to go to lunch with my friend, check out my sister's new digs, and then head up to Manhattan for a concert he was playing at a club on the Lower East Side. Well! I had already had trouble being carsick on the way up, which has never happened to me in my life. With the stomach troubles continuing, there was just no way I was going to be able to make the haul up to NYC (2 hrs), hang out in a club, then 2 hrs back, or 5 hrs if we went directly from NYC home (and get home like 1 am). Since I was home, I wouldn't've been able to just have Dave drive my car - and something I probably wouldn't have done anyway. My dad would have wigged. out. if Dave drove my car. And I would've been wigging out too, since he's still a pretty green driver and New York City was treacherous for me, and I'm seasoned and savvy. So all the plans got jumbled up, like they were thrown in a hat and shaken by a five-year-old. What ended up happening was we hung out with my friend at her house instead of going out to lunch (I was sticking to clear fluids, so at least I followed those instructions for post-stomach-upset), then came back and packed up the car, then drove Dave up to the Hamilton New Jersey Transit station so he could take the Northeast Corridor train up into NY Penn Station, then take the F train over to the club. This is of course all with his guitar and amp and clothes - generally this that and the other thing. He has never had a case for his electric guitar, so we managed to find a case at home (thank god for pseudo-musicians in the family!), though it was an incredibly poor fit and made his guitar bang around. So it was padded with all his crap. Needless to say, he was lugging around some serious weight. After the concert, he had dinner at The Meatball Shop, then hopped back on the train and headed over to the Javits Center to pick up a Megabus at 11 (pm) to come back to Baltimore directly. While he was doing his things, I drove back from the Hamilton station and checked out my sister's new digs, then drove home on 40, the more circuitous/pokey route, so I would be able to stop pretty much any time if I needed to. It ended up taking me a lot longer to get home than expected, but I survived. I also pre-emptively took an anti-nausea pill, full well expecting the car sickness to return. Then I dootzed around at home, fell asleep for about an hour, then woke up again at 1:30 to go pick up Dave from the bus stop in White Marsh at 2:20 am. Dave's friend crapped out on us (no surprise to me, but whatever - it's hard to earn my trust back once it's been fractured and then broken), who is always a night owl and would've been much better to pick him up. Oh no, drag Laura out, who is feeling like crap and has driven 5 hours today, to go pick up her boyfriend, because she's loving and responsible. Bahhhhh.
Sooo, that saga's over, though I slept til 11 today. I slept on the recliner because Dave was kind of whining/minorly complaining about how he wants a King or California King sized bed because he wants to have the option to cuddle with me or to stretch the f-- out. Right now, we have a full. Since he had quite an exhausting journey with the concert and schlepping probably a total of 50 lbs of weight around New York, I told him to just take the bed and I'd plop on the recliner. I woke up briefly a few times to find my cat Disa sleeping on me in multiple positions, which I loved very much. She's my oldest cat (6 yrs old), and is the sweetest most loving girl ever. She's a tabby/Bengal mix, and since Bengals are supposed to have a slightly longer lifespan, I'm hoping she'll live forever.
I'm feeling slightly better today, though wary to go back to my purees, which is what stage I was at. I'm sick of the clear liquids (I'm not a fan of drinking bottles of Isopure Zero Carb at length, since it gives me bad breath and puts a weird film on my teeth), and definitely want to take advantage of these smoothie recipes and juicing and etc etc.
There's more I want to post about, but this post is getting excessively long, so I will try and resume later after people have had a chance to sit back and not listen to my rambling.
Ta for now!
Saturday, July 13, 2013
First "dinner" out
Tonight was my mom's 60th birthday party, with fancy food and etc. I ended up bringing a thermos of lobster bisque that my mom had bought. It was a test for eating at a restaurant with other people... and I think I did really well. It was weird sitting through the bread and salad.... but I managed. My soup was ok, though I had issues later (went through me pretty quickly). I just will be glad to have some solid food.
Thursday, July 11, 2013
Going back to work, trying new food, and a beef
Yesterday I was supposed to call the nurse I met with last week for my one week check-up, but I didn't because I am concerned/worried/anxious about what I should do. We had discussed possibly my going back to work full-time starting Monday, but she said it might be better to just go back half days next week and then full-time the week after that.
I was ready and willing to go back to work early because being at home sucked at that point (cooped up, unproductive, feeling blah and having some discord with Dave). Plus I need the money. But the home situation has improved, I have greater mobility, and am feeling more at ease with the situation... So now I don't want to go back to work, of course. This is the longest I will ever be away from work (short of being unemployed) for the rest of my life, until I can retire, if that's even possible. So it makes sense that I would kind of want to milk it....
I'm going to call the nurse today and say that I want to go back half days starting next Wednesday, and then full days the Monday after that... so, sort of a compromise.
Also, today is officially my two week mark! I'm starting on purees and trying to look up new and interesting food all the time. So far a lot of the things I've had have been misses, but that's no reason to not keep trying. They are just misses on flavor/"mouth feel", not on bothering my stomach. I made a gingerbread smoothie yesterday, with a few substitutions needed, but it turned out pretty nicely... Just insanely thick after being refrigerated. The flaxseed meal in it makes it a little "chewy". It still taste pretty phenomenal, don't get me wrong! And not beany at all (as I was very concerned about). But, still - it's a *lot* to get through. On the other hand, it helps me use my vanilla protein powder - which I keep not liking. I don't know what it is... I just am not a fan. Chocolate of any kind? Heck yeah. Vanilla? ehhh....not so much. And I can only really afford to get on this merry-go-round a few times, y'know?
I guess I should mention some of the other "fails" I've had. Mixing unflavored protein powder (specifically Isopure) with miso soup. That was FOUL. Mixing orange Powerade Zero with vanilla protein powder - ended up extreeeemely frothy and not so hot. After I transferred it to my sippy cup, it lost a lot of the bubbles thankfully. The frothiness really bothered my stomach. Which makes you think that protein powder manufacturers might want to make that a concern of theirs...but, whatever. I've also made the aforementioned amazing avocado egg salad, and pureed it within an inch of its life. That didn't sit too well - in both taste and digestion. It might be the eggs, which my digestive system was having issues with prior, but I am putting a hold on it for the meantime. I'm hoping to try some plain mashed up avocados in the near future, since I luff them.
For other challenges in the realm of food - being around people eating. It hasn't been too bad around Dave, especially when I'm making him dinner. A lot of the times I'm making him things that I wouldn't really want to partake in myself. But sometimes it just looks so damn delicious. Last night we had his friends over for some gaming and I made steak fajitas.... Good lord that flank steak looked divine. It was remedied by the peppers and onions and misc. other spicy stuff that I do not go for. (My heritage is firmly grounded in non-spicy meats and potatoes!) But I've made him a lot of other things that taste amazing (to him) and not been bothered by it. It's just once in awhile. But I'm enjoying trying all these new things, even if my wallet isn't. (Thankfully I'm already stocked up on pantry non-staples like flaxseed meal, liquid stevia, protein powders, almond flour, etc.)
Last but not least, my actual beef - not the flank steak. I went to GNC earlier this week to pick up some Isopure Zero Carb waters, since they're great for supplementing my protein intake. I kind of hate going into any of these stores (well, the only ones available to me being GNCs and Vitamin Shoppes, though the second to a lesser extent since there are just fewer locations). The reason is that they sell you HARD on anything and everything. We, Dave and I, ended up having the manager/only employee in the store talk to us for half an hour about not only supplements and all this nonsense but also about genetically-modified foods, the importance of being outdoorsy and playing sports, regular microwaves are bad, trace minerals are important and animals like dogs know this because they end up eating dirt when they're digging through it (and how his friend switched from being an internal doctor to a vet because of this), and kind of his whole personal and extended family life story. Seriously?! Seriously. I try to go into these stores when there are other people there so I can avoid this kind of pressure that I loathe. There were 2 other people when I went in, and then they finished up before me, sadly. I am also too nice to just say like "look, go away, I'm in pain and I have errands to do and you're taking up valuable time that I could be spending at home resting." Not to mention Dave and I are obviously not fitness fanatics or any of the people who drop tons of money at these places. I just hate, hate, HATE pressure sales. I know what I'm looking for, I do a lot of homework online to find what best fits my needs (dietarily and monetarily), and I don't need your talking to me about how you used to play basketball and got injured and then tried again a few years later and got injured again and now you shoot pool. Really? Really. The only interesting part of the whole conversation was the part about Connecticut passing a bill (or law?) that requires manufacturers to label their food as being genetically modified, so that people will have a clear choice. (Granted, they will most likely do what I do most of the time - pick whatever's cheapest. But I do compare when there are options for organic and etc - I don't just breeze by them. I shop at stores that have the option, not just dirt cheap stores that all of their products are suspect.) But otherwise, WTF. All GNC stores have been like this. Vitamin Shoppe has not been - they are actually respectful and will only go into lengthy discussions with you if you seek it out. I may have to start switching over to buying more stuff from them. Unfortunately, there aren't as many locations as there are GNC, and I get discounts at GNC, sooo.... Yeah. Hey, bottom line. I have to decide if I prefer to get harassed by salesmen and get lower prices or go to another store that has respectful employees.
/rant
I was ready and willing to go back to work early because being at home sucked at that point (cooped up, unproductive, feeling blah and having some discord with Dave). Plus I need the money. But the home situation has improved, I have greater mobility, and am feeling more at ease with the situation... So now I don't want to go back to work, of course. This is the longest I will ever be away from work (short of being unemployed) for the rest of my life, until I can retire, if that's even possible. So it makes sense that I would kind of want to milk it....
I'm going to call the nurse today and say that I want to go back half days starting next Wednesday, and then full days the Monday after that... so, sort of a compromise.
Also, today is officially my two week mark! I'm starting on purees and trying to look up new and interesting food all the time. So far a lot of the things I've had have been misses, but that's no reason to not keep trying. They are just misses on flavor/"mouth feel", not on bothering my stomach. I made a gingerbread smoothie yesterday, with a few substitutions needed, but it turned out pretty nicely... Just insanely thick after being refrigerated. The flaxseed meal in it makes it a little "chewy". It still taste pretty phenomenal, don't get me wrong! And not beany at all (as I was very concerned about). But, still - it's a *lot* to get through. On the other hand, it helps me use my vanilla protein powder - which I keep not liking. I don't know what it is... I just am not a fan. Chocolate of any kind? Heck yeah. Vanilla? ehhh....not so much. And I can only really afford to get on this merry-go-round a few times, y'know?
I guess I should mention some of the other "fails" I've had. Mixing unflavored protein powder (specifically Isopure) with miso soup. That was FOUL. Mixing orange Powerade Zero with vanilla protein powder - ended up extreeeemely frothy and not so hot. After I transferred it to my sippy cup, it lost a lot of the bubbles thankfully. The frothiness really bothered my stomach. Which makes you think that protein powder manufacturers might want to make that a concern of theirs...but, whatever. I've also made the aforementioned amazing avocado egg salad, and pureed it within an inch of its life. That didn't sit too well - in both taste and digestion. It might be the eggs, which my digestive system was having issues with prior, but I am putting a hold on it for the meantime. I'm hoping to try some plain mashed up avocados in the near future, since I luff them.
For other challenges in the realm of food - being around people eating. It hasn't been too bad around Dave, especially when I'm making him dinner. A lot of the times I'm making him things that I wouldn't really want to partake in myself. But sometimes it just looks so damn delicious. Last night we had his friends over for some gaming and I made steak fajitas.... Good lord that flank steak looked divine. It was remedied by the peppers and onions and misc. other spicy stuff that I do not go for. (My heritage is firmly grounded in non-spicy meats and potatoes!) But I've made him a lot of other things that taste amazing (to him) and not been bothered by it. It's just once in awhile. But I'm enjoying trying all these new things, even if my wallet isn't. (Thankfully I'm already stocked up on pantry non-staples like flaxseed meal, liquid stevia, protein powders, almond flour, etc.)
Last but not least, my actual beef - not the flank steak. I went to GNC earlier this week to pick up some Isopure Zero Carb waters, since they're great for supplementing my protein intake. I kind of hate going into any of these stores (well, the only ones available to me being GNCs and Vitamin Shoppes, though the second to a lesser extent since there are just fewer locations). The reason is that they sell you HARD on anything and everything. We, Dave and I, ended up having the manager/only employee in the store talk to us for half an hour about not only supplements and all this nonsense but also about genetically-modified foods, the importance of being outdoorsy and playing sports, regular microwaves are bad, trace minerals are important and animals like dogs know this because they end up eating dirt when they're digging through it (and how his friend switched from being an internal doctor to a vet because of this), and kind of his whole personal and extended family life story. Seriously?! Seriously. I try to go into these stores when there are other people there so I can avoid this kind of pressure that I loathe. There were 2 other people when I went in, and then they finished up before me, sadly. I am also too nice to just say like "look, go away, I'm in pain and I have errands to do and you're taking up valuable time that I could be spending at home resting." Not to mention Dave and I are obviously not fitness fanatics or any of the people who drop tons of money at these places. I just hate, hate, HATE pressure sales. I know what I'm looking for, I do a lot of homework online to find what best fits my needs (dietarily and monetarily), and I don't need your talking to me about how you used to play basketball and got injured and then tried again a few years later and got injured again and now you shoot pool. Really? Really. The only interesting part of the whole conversation was the part about Connecticut passing a bill (or law?) that requires manufacturers to label their food as being genetically modified, so that people will have a clear choice. (Granted, they will most likely do what I do most of the time - pick whatever's cheapest. But I do compare when there are options for organic and etc - I don't just breeze by them. I shop at stores that have the option, not just dirt cheap stores that all of their products are suspect.) But otherwise, WTF. All GNC stores have been like this. Vitamin Shoppe has not been - they are actually respectful and will only go into lengthy discussions with you if you seek it out. I may have to start switching over to buying more stuff from them. Unfortunately, there aren't as many locations as there are GNC, and I get discounts at GNC, sooo.... Yeah. Hey, bottom line. I have to decide if I prefer to get harassed by salesmen and get lower prices or go to another store that has respectful employees.
/rant
Sunday, July 7, 2013
10 Days Post-Surgery
Today is my birthday, and I am 10 days post-op. I am feeling fine, though I have been physically over-exerting myself and need to take it down a notch. I went shopping with my mom yesterday for 4 hours (I didn't want to be out that long, that's for damn sure), and then at night I went to bend over to pick up my cat and it hurt like HELL. I kinda stayed pretty still after that to try and avoid any more pain, and had some of the heavier dutier pain killers. I have been trying to stick to liquid tylenol, so that I can do stuff and not end up sleeping all the time, but end up taking the liquid percocet when I'm sorer (usually the half dose).
Food has been pretty much the same thing day to day - protein shakes, powerade, iced tea. I tried making the amazing avocado egg salad last night, only thinned down with some chicken broth and pureed within an inch of it's life, and it just wasn't so hot. Not sure if it's salvageable, or if it's just the consistency, but I was pretty optimistic.
Like I said, today's my birthday. Last night we celebrated in small fashion with a jello "cake" with vanilla pudding in the middle and a little candle on top. It didn't sit so pretty (would've been better in a parfait glass, but I wasn't the one who made it), but the candle stood up in it long enough to get through a quick singing of Happy Birthday and for me to blow it out.
Food has been pretty much the same thing day to day - protein shakes, powerade, iced tea. I tried making the amazing avocado egg salad last night, only thinned down with some chicken broth and pureed within an inch of it's life, and it just wasn't so hot. Not sure if it's salvageable, or if it's just the consistency, but I was pretty optimistic.
Like I said, today's my birthday. Last night we celebrated in small fashion with a jello "cake" with vanilla pudding in the middle and a little candle on top. It didn't sit so pretty (would've been better in a parfait glass, but I wasn't the one who made it), but the candle stood up in it long enough to get through a quick singing of Happy Birthday and for me to blow it out.
Dave has been worried (which he just expressed) in my growing obsessing over food - recipes, classes, etc. I can't tell if it's because I have to obsess about food anyway kinda sorta? Or if it's really I WANT FOOOOOD.... I am definitely mourning food and having head hunger and true hunger pangs that I can't seem to get rid of with distraction or protein. So I'm seeking help out on the forums, to see if they have any p's and q's. Maybe I'm drinking too fast? I've been using my sippy cup whenever possible. Maybe I'm eating too fast? I haven't had anything come up. Soooo... I don't know. Frustrating, though.
Anyway, not feeling so great today - depressed, among other things, and just want to crawl in a hole. Or lay down on the bed and cry. Except I can't lay down on the bed, cause I'd never get back up - I'm still sleeping in the recliner since the bed is so low. Sigh.
Friday, July 5, 2013
Great infographic
I see this at my doctor's office every time I go for my vitals/weigh-in, and it was also something they talked about in the very beginning at the information session.... So many reasons to really consider bariatric surgery as a reasonable tool for significant, lasting weight loss.
Thursday, July 4, 2013
One week later..
Today is my official mark for one week after surgery. How am I feeling? Pretty good. I over-exerted myself dootzing around yesterday, so I'm trying to take it easy today. (Appointment/shopping, then shopping again later... Wayyy too much stress on that belly o' mine.)
I got adventurous earlier today and ate a Müller Greek Corner Yogurt today, strawberry flavor, being very careful to go incredibly slowly. So far my adventures haven't turned out so great. Isopure (Unflavored) + Miso Soup? No, no, no! It was foul. Orange Powerade Zero with French Vanilla Lean Shake 25 protein powder? Mmm, also no, but I think it was more the protein powder's fault. The Lean Shake stuff tends to get incredibly foamy/frothy, and I realized how detrimental that was when I was just all full of the foam. When I transferred it to a sippy cup, it worked out better, but still not a big fan of the Lean Shake 25 protein powder flavors.
I made chocolate pudding! With a packet of Better Bowls I picked up from the grocery store. Low cal, sugar free (sweetened with Splenda), protein, fiber... and made with skim milk plus fiber... It's really delicious. I also got a vanilla, so I'll be trying that out soon as well! :)
My mom's coming down tomorrow, so hopefully that won't be as stressful as I'm worried it will be.
I have been thinking I will go back to work early, but after talking with the nurse yesterday, she said that I should think about it some more and call her next Wednesday to see how I'm feeling about it. She made a suggestion of maybe just going back for half-days for a week until going to full-days the week after, just to ease in a little.
Sorry this post is kind of all over the place - clearly I had no organization in mind when I set out to do this! lol
I got adventurous earlier today and ate a Müller Greek Corner Yogurt today, strawberry flavor, being very careful to go incredibly slowly. So far my adventures haven't turned out so great. Isopure (Unflavored) + Miso Soup? No, no, no! It was foul. Orange Powerade Zero with French Vanilla Lean Shake 25 protein powder? Mmm, also no, but I think it was more the protein powder's fault. The Lean Shake stuff tends to get incredibly foamy/frothy, and I realized how detrimental that was when I was just all full of the foam. When I transferred it to a sippy cup, it worked out better, but still not a big fan of the Lean Shake 25 protein powder flavors.
I made chocolate pudding! With a packet of Better Bowls I picked up from the grocery store. Low cal, sugar free (sweetened with Splenda), protein, fiber... and made with skim milk plus fiber... It's really delicious. I also got a vanilla, so I'll be trying that out soon as well! :)
My mom's coming down tomorrow, so hopefully that won't be as stressful as I'm worried it will be.
I have been thinking I will go back to work early, but after talking with the nurse yesterday, she said that I should think about it some more and call her next Wednesday to see how I'm feeling about it. She made a suggestion of maybe just going back for half-days for a week until going to full-days the week after, just to ease in a little.
Sorry this post is kind of all over the place - clearly I had no organization in mind when I set out to do this! lol
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
Stage 2!
So today is my first day of the stage 2 diet. I'm now on full liquids! First day of non-clears since last Monday. I have been looking forward to today so much it's kind of absurd. Pretty much, as long as I can have my protein shakes and iced tea with splenda, I'm golden.
However, I definitely need to get in a better groove, and get a firm grip that just because one miso soup went south with a scoop of unflavored protein powder doesn't mean that all soups will suck.
Tomorrow is my one-week post-op with the doctor (one day early). I have been driving a little, getting around decently, just having some pain in the large incision on the right side. For the most part, I haven't been nauseous or dizzy or any of those things. I've got a drill sergeant on me about keeping up that hydration, which is helpful. I keep trying to do things for myself, because Dave is lazy and has been reacting poorly to accommodating my OCD. (And he shouldn't really have to.) I am learning to keep my mouth shut and just go about my business and do what I can do - then stretch beyond it a little - and if all else fails, use my toes to grab and pick it up.
Monday, July 1, 2013
Post surgery incisions
I took a picture of my torso to show what exactly the spots look like. Two of them are pretty much impossible to see due to the top belly flab. Considering this is major surgery, though - not too shabby.
In addition, Dr. Liao was able to "reuse" some of my previous laparoscopic incision sites from when I had my gallbladder removed in 2007. Which is great, because it's minimizing all my "poke holes" on my belly.
Sorry for the partial bra shot - I'm sure you will live.
Edit: All the dark spots on the lower half of my stomach are from the Heparin injections. They ended up bruising pretty badly (I still have some yellowing), and two of them ended up with minor rashes. :'(
Sunday, June 30, 2013
Day 3 Post-Op
So today's day 3 after my surgery. I'm still in a goodly amount of pain, and have a decent amount of stress at home to deal with in addition. (Dave is an excellent caretaker for the most part, but then he's a schlub around the house for the rest, and I'm like bitch, get your normal shit done too!!) Also, the new cat, Jack, has another eye infection we think - but who knows. It's truly absurd...we were done with meds for 3 days and the symptoms came back. Really? Really.
Anyway, also kind of ducked having to entertain Dave's family by sleeping. Which is what I've been doing a LOT of - sleeping. I feel like I'm not getting enough fluids in because I'm not awake enough. But literally the sleepiness is more akin to narcolepsy, where I'm falling asleep as I'm doing stuff. Like this morning, I made some hot tea for myself, and fell asleep while holding it and spilled it all over myself and the chair. Aaaand that's not the first time that's happened. Let's not forget the seemingly drunk texts, shall we?
Also, I've had diarrhea - which I'm actually very surprised by. Where is it coming from? I haven't had any solid food since last Monday! I also threw up some liquid Tylenol shortly after I took it last night. I think it may have been too quickly or something, but I don't know. Just...yeah. Made it about a dozen steps from the bathroom and turned right around. I was able to handle it today... And especially after I've actually gotten more familiar with these little cups of mine.
OH and I have my sippy cup. My first one broke this morning or last night (can't remember), so Dave went out and bought me another.
So, since I've been home, I've had water, isopure, powerade, and some popsicles (crystal light poured into molds), and that one cup of ill-fated tea. I would really like to try some broth, but it's hard to find a reason to go out to get literally one thing of miso soup and that's it. -_- I'm going to try and coerce him into going to H-Mart tomorrow so I can just get some regular miso and make the soup myself. I'm looking forward to the full liquids like you cannot believe - I do love me some protein shakes, and I'll be able to have some other things in addition to that, so I am pretty excited! And that's only in like 2 days.
Anyway, also kind of ducked having to entertain Dave's family by sleeping. Which is what I've been doing a LOT of - sleeping. I feel like I'm not getting enough fluids in because I'm not awake enough. But literally the sleepiness is more akin to narcolepsy, where I'm falling asleep as I'm doing stuff. Like this morning, I made some hot tea for myself, and fell asleep while holding it and spilled it all over myself and the chair. Aaaand that's not the first time that's happened. Let's not forget the seemingly drunk texts, shall we?
Also, I've had diarrhea - which I'm actually very surprised by. Where is it coming from? I haven't had any solid food since last Monday! I also threw up some liquid Tylenol shortly after I took it last night. I think it may have been too quickly or something, but I don't know. Just...yeah. Made it about a dozen steps from the bathroom and turned right around. I was able to handle it today... And especially after I've actually gotten more familiar with these little cups of mine.
OH and I have my sippy cup. My first one broke this morning or last night (can't remember), so Dave went out and bought me another.
So, since I've been home, I've had water, isopure, powerade, and some popsicles (crystal light poured into molds), and that one cup of ill-fated tea. I would really like to try some broth, but it's hard to find a reason to go out to get literally one thing of miso soup and that's it. -_- I'm going to try and coerce him into going to H-Mart tomorrow so I can just get some regular miso and make the soup myself. I'm looking forward to the full liquids like you cannot believe - I do love me some protein shakes, and I'll be able to have some other things in addition to that, so I am pretty excited! And that's only in like 2 days.
Saturday, June 29, 2013
Two days out
It's two days since my surgery, and I'm feeling..okay. Thursday, the day of surgery, I felt pretty good, somehow. Then Friday, that went kind of poorly. My sister was there, which was great. We got to do a lot talking and hanging out. Dave's mom and gradmom came over for a bit and brought flowers and a card, which was sweet. But then I started feeling kinda nauseous and with a low fever.. I couldn't get comfortable... The whole thing was kind of a mess. I was a mess. Also, my nurse for the evening, when I was at my worst, was pretty sub-par and clearly didn't give a crap.
I slept very poorly, and got up around 5:30 because it just wasn't happening. Thankfully, the nurse tht took over was probably the nicest one I'd had thus far. So she got me all set up, especially with some anti-nausea and pain killers (since they had lapsed significantly).
Around 11:30 or so, Dr. Liao came in and removed my drain, and did a check on the rest of my incision sites. Having the drain removed was not as awful as I was led to believe by other forum members and/or other bloggers/vloggers. Felt weird as hell when the end finally popped out, but comparatively not that bad.
I got home just after noon or so today. My sister stayed for a few hours to just hang out, which was all very nice still :) I'm so glad she was able to come down. Dave has also already been amazing. Both of them have been like DRINK DRINK DRINK...but unfortunately it's getting to the point where I'm too full and start hiccuping (which is unpleasant, as is to be expected). I was also incredibly sleepy after having taken some liquid Percocet, and have been ever since, though it should be out of my system by now. I'm going to probably take some of the liquid tylenol instead. It's just so weird being almost narcoleptic like this. Dozing off while holding my sippy cup, dozing mid-text message, dozing right now sitting up-right at the desk as I'm writing this.... It truly is absurd and slightly disturbing.
However, I'm trying to stay on top of it. I haven't felt nauseous at all since being home, I've passed gas (which is a yay, actually), had a poop (also yay, though I have no idea what it's coming from since I haven't had any food since Monday and I'm pretty sure I got it "all out of the way"), made it up the stairs to our 3rd floor apartment without any problem.
I can definitely see why they want you to take off 3 weeks.... Ugh. *so weary*
Ok, will try to post something more...meaty? next time - something more than just a recap.
I slept very poorly, and got up around 5:30 because it just wasn't happening. Thankfully, the nurse tht took over was probably the nicest one I'd had thus far. So she got me all set up, especially with some anti-nausea and pain killers (since they had lapsed significantly).
Around 11:30 or so, Dr. Liao came in and removed my drain, and did a check on the rest of my incision sites. Having the drain removed was not as awful as I was led to believe by other forum members and/or other bloggers/vloggers. Felt weird as hell when the end finally popped out, but comparatively not that bad.
I got home just after noon or so today. My sister stayed for a few hours to just hang out, which was all very nice still :) I'm so glad she was able to come down. Dave has also already been amazing. Both of them have been like DRINK DRINK DRINK...but unfortunately it's getting to the point where I'm too full and start hiccuping (which is unpleasant, as is to be expected). I was also incredibly sleepy after having taken some liquid Percocet, and have been ever since, though it should be out of my system by now. I'm going to probably take some of the liquid tylenol instead. It's just so weird being almost narcoleptic like this. Dozing off while holding my sippy cup, dozing mid-text message, dozing right now sitting up-right at the desk as I'm writing this.... It truly is absurd and slightly disturbing.
However, I'm trying to stay on top of it. I haven't felt nauseous at all since being home, I've passed gas (which is a yay, actually), had a poop (also yay, though I have no idea what it's coming from since I haven't had any food since Monday and I'm pretty sure I got it "all out of the way"), made it up the stairs to our 3rd floor apartment without any problem.
I can definitely see why they want you to take off 3 weeks.... Ugh. *so weary*
Ok, will try to post something more...meaty? next time - something more than just a recap.
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