Day 3 Post-Op

So today's day 3 after my surgery. I'm still in a goodly amount of pain, and have a decent amount of stress at home to deal with in addition. (Dave is an excellent caretaker for the most part, but then he's a schlub around the house for the rest, and I'm like bitch, get your normal shit done too!!) Also, the new cat, Jack, has another eye infection we think - but who knows. It's truly absurd...we were done with meds for 3 days and the symptoms came back. Really? Really.

Anyway, also kind of ducked having to entertain Dave's family by sleeping. Which is what I've been doing a LOT of - sleeping. I feel like I'm not getting enough fluids in because I'm not awake enough. But literally the sleepiness is more akin to narcolepsy, where I'm falling asleep as I'm doing stuff. Like this morning, I made some hot tea for myself, and fell asleep while holding it and spilled it all over myself and the chair. Aaaand that's not the first time that's happened. Let's not forget the seemingly drunk texts, shall we?

Also, I've had diarrhea - which I'm actually very surprised by. Where is it coming from? I haven't had any solid food since last Monday! I also threw up some liquid Tylenol shortly after I took it last night. I think it may have been too quickly or something, but I don't know. Just...yeah. Made it about a dozen steps from the bathroom and turned right around. I was able to handle it today... And especially after I've actually gotten more familiar with these little cups of mine.

OH and I have my sippy cup. My first one broke this morning or last night (can't remember), so Dave went out and bought me another.

So, since I've been home, I've had water, isopure, powerade, and some popsicles (crystal light poured into molds), and that one cup of ill-fated tea. I would really like to try some broth, but it's hard to find a reason to go out to get literally one thing of miso soup and that's it. -_- I'm going to try and coerce him into going to H-Mart tomorrow so I can just get some regular miso and make the soup myself. I'm looking forward to the full  liquids like you cannot believe - I do love me some protein shakes, and I'll be able to have some other things in addition to that, so I am pretty excited! And that's only in like 2 days.

Two days out

It's two days since my surgery, and I'm feeling..okay. Thursday, the day of surgery, I felt pretty good, somehow. Then Friday, that went kind of poorly. My sister was there, which was great. We got to do a lot talking and hanging out. Dave's mom and gradmom came over for a bit and brought flowers and a card, which was sweet. But then I started feeling kinda nauseous and with a low fever.. I couldn't get comfortable... The whole thing was kind of a mess. I was a mess. Also, my nurse for the evening, when I was at my worst, was pretty sub-par and clearly didn't give a crap.

I slept very poorly, and got up around 5:30 because it just wasn't happening. Thankfully, the nurse tht took over was probably the nicest one I'd had thus far. So she got me all set up, especially with some anti-nausea and pain killers (since they had lapsed significantly).

Around 11:30 or so, Dr. Liao came in and removed my drain, and did a check on the rest of my incision sites. Having the drain removed was not as awful as I was led to believe by other forum members and/or other bloggers/vloggers. Felt weird as hell when the end finally popped out, but comparatively not that bad.

I got home just after noon or so today. My sister stayed for a few hours to just hang out, which was all very nice still :) I'm so glad she was able to come down. Dave has also already been amazing. Both of them have been like DRINK DRINK DRINK...but unfortunately it's getting to the point where I'm too full and start hiccuping (which is unpleasant, as is to be expected). I was also incredibly sleepy after having taken some liquid Percocet, and have been ever since, though it should be out of my system by now. I'm going to probably take some of the liquid tylenol instead. It's just so weird being almost narcoleptic like this. Dozing off while holding my sippy cup, dozing mid-text message, dozing right now sitting up-right at the desk as I'm writing this.... It truly is absurd and slightly disturbing.

However, I'm trying to stay on top of it. I haven't felt nauseous at all since being home, I've passed gas (which is a yay, actually), had a poop (also yay, though I have no idea what it's coming from since I haven't had any food since Monday and I'm pretty sure I got it "all out of the way"), made it up the stairs to our 3rd floor apartment without any problem.

I can definitely see why they want you to take off 3 weeks.... Ugh. *so weary*

Ok, will try to post something more...meaty?  next time - something more than just a recap.

On the other side

I tried entering all of this earlier, but the morphine combined with smart phone typing was just not happening.

So, I'm on the other side! I haven't been in too much pain, most likely because of my morphine joystick. The one incision that  would hurt in particular, according to Dr. Liao, is indeed the one hurting. Overall,  I'm most bothered by the catheter, since I constantly feel like I have to pee... it's just going right in the bag. So I'm not to force the pee :'(. The drain isn't too bad.  They ended up doing a good amount of the incisions over the old incisions from when I had my gall bladder removed laparoscopicly 6 years ago. So yay, fewer new scars!

Everyone I've dealt with here has been very nice, though being in my unit, I've had some minor difficulties with having things done timely and correctly. There was a major conundrum with the anti-depressant I take at night, and when it came to actually taking it, they were an hour late and a pill short. I also found out that I'm not allowed to use my pills I bought from home. Instead they have to search high and low.  *rolls eyes* I get the reasons behind it, but it aggravates me. Not to mention that when I did early registration, we went over all of my medications, so why not gather them all up then when you're putting together my chart. That way there's no "oh crap, there's something you have to take?"

Oh well - let's see what the rest of today brings!

Scared

So, it's coming down to the final hour, as it is. Surgery is tomorrow. I'm on the clear liquid diet, which is a bit aggravating to see food here there and everywhere, and not be able to eat it. Just walking past the fridge, there's a big jug of protein powder and two loaves of bread. :'(

Having no food has definitely made me extra tired and cranky. My emotional level is cranked up because of how scared I am for tomorrow.... Most of it is the immediate post-surgery part, like having a catheter and a drain, and shambling around the hospital. Getting my necessary medications in. Wondering what I'm going to be able to do to entertain people coming to visit me.. Who wants to sit 8 hours in a hospital with a person full of tubes? Yeesh. I know I probably shouldn't worry about "entertaining" people, but I can't help it.

*squirm....*

Excitement! 3 days until the surgery

I got a call from my doctor today with my surgery time. I am scheduled to have surgery at 10:00 am this Thursday, June 27, 2013. I have to be there 2 hours early - no surprise there. Tomorrow I start my clear liquids for 48 hrs, which will probably be tough - they said it would be, since you aren't getting rid of any hunger hormones yet. So, my big ol stomach is gonna be filled with big ol water, powerade zero, and isopure... Weeee............

Talked some more with my family about arrangements for later this week, and gathering together what they can bring, if they want to send something. For example, sugar free jello, pudding, unsweetened applesauce, empty jars that can hold liquids, popsicle molds, etc. Dave went out grocery shopping to pick up some of the things I needed, and kinda failed. :( I didn't write things in exact detail on my grocery list, since I thought I was going out - I knew what I meant. Case of Powerade Zero Grape? By that I meant an 8-pack or two of the bottles in the plastic wrap. Dave came back with a literal case of the large bottles. Works well, and is sweet and endearing that he goofed, but still - unnecessary. Unsweetened applesauce? Picked up mini cups. I meant to get it in a large jar, since I will need to be using it daily for taking medications, and I probably won't be finishing a little cup doing that, even with doing medications in the morning and evening. 

Anyway, he is trying, and I thanked him and piled on appreciation for his attempts. It's going to be a bumpy ride - but we're both learning, and we're a good team, so we'll keep on keepin' on. :)

Protein Bar Reviews

It's that time again! Reviewing some of the bevvy of protein bars I've tried.

QuestBar "All Natural Line" - flavors tried: Chocolate Brownie, Apple Pie, Cinnamon Roll, and Lemon Cream Pie.
So, I have tried these obviously quite a few times. The main reason is that their texture is acceptable, and they have a lot of interesting flavors I like. Note, I say the texture is 'acceptable'. As I opened the wrapper fully to examine the Lemon Cream Pie I'm about to eat, I realized what it reminds me of - AirHeads. Remember those? That's pretty much exactly what they're like. They have a bit of grittyness every now and then - relating to the bar's flavor. For example, the Apple Pie tastes like it has some crust in it, so I actually welcome it. It also breaks up the monotony of it just being a taffy protein bar. That being said, they're kind of expensive compared to some of the other protein bars on the market, but I guess you pay for that variety. So far my favorite flavor of all was the Apple Pie. I bought a Banana Nut Muffin for Dave to try, seeing as he is also partaking in some of my protein adventures and likes banana-flavored-xyz... He disliked it so much that he took one bite and then threw it out. -_- I guess us people who need this stuff will just push on through, despite any weirdness.

PowerCrunch Protein Energy Bar "Original" - flavors "tried": Triple Chocolate, Wild Berry Creme
This may be my favorite protein bar I've had. (I haven't tried the Wild Berry Creme one yet, it's sitting at home - if I'm wrong and that flavor sucks, I will definitely edit this post.) It tastes like you're treating yourself - because it tastes a lot like the wafer cookies we used to have as kids. Which PowerCrunch is totally selling that memory, too - "Real Wafer Cookies: Your Childhood is Calling. Tired of chewy, nougat-filled protein bars? So were we. That's why we made Power Crunch with real wafer cookies for an irresistible crunch that'll keep you coming back for more." And it really does! Hard to believe it's a protein bar. Sadly[?], so delish they aren't as filling as the nougaty, taffy-like bars you need to slog through. I want to just keep nomming on them like the regular cookies. So it's definitely something that's more like a treat than anything else. 

KIND Nuts & Spices Bars - flavor tried: Madagascar Vanilla Almond.
Now, part of me is to blame here. I didn't read all the information on the packaging - pretty much just the nutritional facts. So when I ate this last night, I was disappointed! It definitely wasn't vanilla-y or almond-y enough for my standards. And as I read the ingredients on the Kind Snacks website, it's completely understandable why - it's just like mixed nuts. Peanuts, cashews, almonds, walnuts. Why would you call it vanilla almond if it's got all those other nuts? In addition, the vanilla flavor was minor. Overall it tasted decent, but I was definitely under a different assumption from reading the packaging at a glance. And not really scrutinizing the nuts before my eyes. I picked this up at GNC, but I think you can get these in grocery stores as well.

NuGo Slim - flavors "tried": Raspberry Truffle, Brownie Crunch
So, this was the first one I popped in my mouth. Raspberry truffle? How decadent sounding is that?? Well, I pretty much hated it. It tasted like crunchy sawdust. The texture was wrong, and it left me so thirsty. With my current dietary habits prohibiting me from having water for 30 minutes before or after food, this thing almost killed me. There were random crunch pieces in it that I couldn't identify, it was kind of hard... And bitter, to boot. No artificial sweeteners = dear god, so bitter... it needs at least a little something. (If you are the kind of person who likes they very dark chocolate, then you might like that aspect - but I am not one of those people.) It wasn't anything at all like what I was expecting, or hoping. I still have the Brownie Crunch at home, and I'm dreading it. How bad is that? Jeez.

Atkins Day Break Oatmeal Cinnamon Baked Square
I actually bought a box of these, since they don't really come individually. It's actually pretty good! Soft but also a bit crunchy with some raw oats in there. It's not terribly big, so I definitely think "morning snack" is appropriate. The net carbs, as usual, can kind of be misleading, but it was still tasty, and I loved the icing on the top. The nice thing about Atkins products is that they are everywhere, in one form or another. I am actually hoping to get Dave on a semi-Atkins diet, since I think that would work well for him and his eating style.







Ok, that's all I have for now! It's still a lot, obviously. That's one thing that makes me happy about going to GNC or VitaminShoppe - it's so easy to pick up single bars to try stuff out.

Family updates & Shopping

I've sort of "rounded up" the people that will be visiting me in the hospital. Dave's mom and grandmom will probably be there, as well as his friend Mani and possibly his friend Rick (and possibly his respective wife Masha). I realized that even if it is kind of a "crew," it's not anyone I really wanted. I'm scared, and I want my mom. Yep, basic child-based instincts. But it's true! No one in my nuclear family has gone in for major surgery and stayed 2 days in the hospital. I believe when my mom had her hysterectomy, she might have been in overnight one night, but I don't think it was more than that. (I was pretty young, so I can't remember.) 

So I sent my mom an email, more or less begging her to come down. And then I completely forgot that they had a scheduled vacation...that they were leaving for very early the next day (after my surgery). She suggested I reschedule it or postpone it. It's too late in the game for that, really - I'm just waiting on what time my actual surgery is going to take place. But then she talked to my sister about it, and she is happy to come down! She's coming down Friday (the day after), which is fine - I'm sure I won't be all "heyoooo" the first day, since I'll most likely be sleeping a good amount. I'm really glad she's coming - and she's even voiced some support, which means so, so much to me. I am so happy that I'll have "one of my own" with me. 

*sniffle, wibble*

Ok, onto other news. I ordered a goodly amount of supplies for myself: EZ Sweetz liquid stevia (holy cow, the ratios on that are ABSURD), 5 lbs of almond flour, a pill crusher obliterator, liquid tylenol, Wellesse liquid calcium supplement, and a B12 sublingual (dissolves under the tongue) tablet. In addition, I picked up some additional protein shakes, some Isopure, some Powerade. GEARING UP. Still need a recliner, though - finding one in my ideal price range is very difficult. In addition, I stopped into GNC (yet again) today, and picked up some Lean Shake 25 packets for emergency work protein (lol~), some protein bars (specifically PowerCrunch Protein Energy Bar Original - Wild Berry Creme; QuestBar Natural Protein Bar - Lemon Cream Pie (for Dave); NuGo Slim Brownie Crunch; NuGo Slim Raspberry Truffle; Kind Nuts & Spices - Madagascar Vanilla Almond), protein pudding from MHP (Maximum Human Performance), and a box of Atkins Day Break Oatmeal Cinnamon Baked Square[s]. AAAND I got all that stuff from GNC just now for just over $12 (p.s. there is tax on food in MD). Hooray, savvy shopping to the max! Seriously. I can't really afford all these fancy-to-do protein supplements and bars and whatevs, so I gotta get the cheaps when I can.  I am really excited to try these out and give you guys a report back. I've enjoyed the Quest Bars recently (I believe I had Apple Pie and Chocolate Brownie), so I may review those while I'm at it. But some of these are ones where I've tried the brand before and coming back to explore other flavors. Neat how I do that, huh? ;)

The Do's & Don't's of Weight Loss Surgery

I signed up for verticalsleevetalk.com yesterday, and one of the first posts I've checked out is the one below:

http://www.verticalsleevetalk.com/topic/23246-gastric-sleeve-surgery-dos-and-donts/

It really gave me some inspiration. One of the main reason I've been puttering around these forums is for the support. I may have to print this out and hang it on my fridge or something. Something I pass all the time going in and out of the kitchen, both my friend and enemy. It really hammers home a lot of things to know and keep track of. 

It just kind of put a wibbly smile on my face.

An amusing pic I found on VerticalSleeveTalk.com

Especially with my love of Halloween & classic horror movies... 

I hate to say it, but this is close to my state of mind about exercise and all that.

Post Pre-Surgery Prep Class

So, Tuesday night I had my pre-surgery class, along with about a dozen other people who were having a variety of surgeries (there were surgical "representatives" from bypass, sleeve, and lap-band) with Dr. Liao. The whole thing was pretty overwhelming. Dave came with me, so he got to witness first-hand everything I've been going over. About half of it was repeats and things I've already gone over more than a few times. But there was a lot of new information - especially on the medications I will need to be taking (regular medications as well as vitamins and supplements). I won't be able to swallow pills for quite some time - they will have to be obliterated and popped in some applesauce, yogurt or pudding. And I already have 5 pills I take in the morning and 2 at night...and I'll have to add in pills for acid reflux, pain meds (if needed), papaya enzyme (if needed for any kind of blockage pain issues), calcium, and B12. Oi, I say. Oi. In addition, they all have somewhat strict timetables for when they can be taken.

I'm also getting alarmed from some of the other things I've been reading on the forums (gastricsleeve.com), compounded with that the nurse said at the class. That it's going to be a struggle to get an ounce of water down. That it hurts to swallow and you'll most likely have to let it slide down your throat. What? What?? Lord, what am I getting myself into?

On the plus side, I am really happy that they gave me a calendar with the exact dates of "do this on this day, do this on this day, blah blah". I had already started to kind of cobble that together, so I'm glad I got an official one.

Anyway... Kinda trying to keep it together. I'm working on the pre-op diet stuff - today is my first official day. (As I just realized...though I knew earlier in the week that it was going to be Thursday. I just forgot today is Thursday.) max 1500 calories, 70-90+ grams of protein, max 50-100 grams of carbs, max 60 grams of fat, 12+ grabs of fiber, and 8-10 glasses of water/clear liquids a day. I can do it! *fist pump*

Recipe Roundup!

So, I went out recently and picked up some supplies for making healthier (lower carb, higher protein) food, especially....sweets. Yep. Still have that sweet tooth, and try though I might, I am craving chocolate like no tomorrow when it gets to that time of the month. So I make it work! Here's some recipes that I've pinned to my Pinterest that I've tried and had mixed results with.

First, savory.

 Caprese Pasta Salad Recipe from LaaLoosh (link)

I tried this out as a weeknight meal for Dave and I. I didn't use whole wheat pasta because I just had regular on hand, so I just went with that. I didn't use halved cherry tomatoes, I used Roma/plum tomatoes because I had them on hand (and prefer them). Just basic substitutions, and no changes otherwise to the recipe. Overall, I liked it. I used mozzarella that I could cube, so I think that definitely helped. The only criticism I had was that it seemed like the balsamic vinegar was a bit too much. I would probably halve it next time. Overall, though, I think this is something I would really like. If they make Miracle Noodles in some kind of pasta like penne, rotini, farfalle, etc., I would love to make this again.

Edamame Hummus from Gina's Skinny Recipes at skinnytaste.com (link)
Ok, welp, this was probably a bad idea to make. Mainly in that the cost was kind of high and slightly difficult to find (tahini paste being the main culprit..*grumble*). I like edamame, this would be good for me and good for the puree diet, so why not, right? Uh, the reason "why not" is because I've never had hummus before. I made it, and I was terrified to eat it. Dave was out of town, so I didn't have a guinea pig...so I literally let it sit in the fridge the day or two until Dave got back before he tried it first. It ended up that either I didn't put enough tahini paste in, or I put too much lemon in, because it tasted like lemony edamame. I eventually got the balls to try it, and it was ok - and I agreed with Dave's assumption. But next time...yeahhhh no hummus. I need to try that in a controlled environment, lol.

________________________________________

Now, the sweets! More of those, of course. ;D

1 Minute Low Carb Chocolate Muffin - from VEFAJARDO on SparksRecipes.com (link)
So, impressed by this guy. It was tough (due to the flaxseed meal of course), and I think the spices were off. For one, I made my own pumpkin pie spice (since I don't have any), and I put in too much ground clove. That didn't help. But I just overall wasn't impressed. I did have to bake it longer than they said - the reviewers said "oh it's perfectly fine at a minute". If by fine you mean and doesn't pass the toothpick test. PAH. No baker worth their salt wouldn't skip that step! Anyway, not a do over for me, which annoys me that I bought a bag of flaxseed meal and don't have another use for it yet.

Protein Thin Mint Cookies from Purely Twins (link)
So, the first time I made these, I made them with Version #3 (just cocoa). I had to buy coconut oil, which had a semi-offensive/obnoxious label ("Chefs know. Athletes know. The beautiful people know"), which was another higher ticket expenditure. The first time I made them came out very differently than the second time I made them most recently, and I think it's largely in part because of my coconut oil. When I first opened it, it was kinda like lard, even after prolonged stirring. The second time I opened it, it had become a much more liquidy consistency. Either way, these taste great, texture aside. They're also incredibly filling, which is better. Obviously I like them, if it's already been a do-over.

Lemon Almond Shortbread Cookies from I Breathe... I'm Hungry... (link)
Low Carb, Gluten Free, and fantastic!! These are far and away my favorites so far. They are a bit strong with the lemon, which isn't terrible, but it's definitely stronger than the almond. However, again, I think they're delish, and I can't wait to make them again. My only sadness is that almond flour isn't cheap, and this uses a goodly amount. Also something to note is that they are high in fat (comparatively), so if that's a major thing you're watching, just keep that in mind. Shortbread = butter, til the end of time. I'm not sure if substituting for a lighter version would help and/or work with the recipe, but it might be worth a shot.

Almond Vanilla Wafers from Grace2882 (link)
I made these last night since they didn't require lemon, and my lemon was brutalized from the last batch of things I made. These are really good, but some minor critiques: I had to cook them for longer, and they were very greasy and rich! I would probably halve the butter. Not wafery at all. But the taste is very good, so otherwise I will most likely make them...and maybe even again tonight. Even Dave liked them a bit, and he's a tough cookie. (XD)

Fasten your seatbelts, it's going to be a bumpy night

So, lately my emotions have been ridiculously turbulent. (I have a type 2 bipolar disorder, as all as obsessive compulsive disorder.) Usually I am able to manage them with my medications, but lately - the past few weeks - it's been almost impossible. Unfortunately, Dave is usually the unintended victim of my vitriol and tears. I have been trying to figure out what exactly is making me feel this way, and I haven't gotten to the root of it yet.

In addition, with my emotional state being amped up, I have had even more social anxiety. I was hoping to meet a person and make a new friend over crafts this past weekend, and I copped out because I was TERRIFIED. Literally and irrationally terrified. I feel guilty and like I'm a disappointment, but I just don't feel like I can "handle it" right now. If I can get these emotions in check (to a degree), I can try and logic this sucker out. I used to be good at stepping back and objectively looking at my distorted thinking processes. Right now, it's like somebody went berserk with some steel wool on that plate of glass. (The plate of glass I could stand behind like an observer watching an interrogation in a crime drama.) That observer is getting sucked into the maelstrom.

I have some anxiety medications I can take on an as needed basis, but I don't know if this is just anxiety or what. I don't think that all this fallout could be from anxiety - but I know the anxiety isn't helping.

BLAH.

In other news, and this is probably distorted thinking, I have been feeling more and more lonely on this journey as I get close to the date. I feel like my "pit crew" and support from my family and friends and Dave is falling by the wayside. I will only have Dave with me at the hospital, and he's refused to stay the night (though I have asked and almost begged a few times). Things have been very tense with him and me lately, mostly due to my crazy emotions/dragon-lady-ness I imagine, but pet peeves getting to me and little frustrations getting blown way out of proportion. He can only take so much, too, even though he seems to be infinitely patient, and has been snapping back, or getting emotional as well (and maybe even depressed). He's been trying to be supportive by dieting, by lessening his caffeine intake, but my big goal is to get him to stop smoking... And that's pretty much keep getting shoved off the table more and more violently every time I ask. (He won't even try.... *heavy sigh*) I don't know why I even want to bother with poking him about it, but I do. I have been trying to stop that, though, but it's still there when he comes back inside from a smoke and gives me a kiss laced with nicotine and ashtray.

But the caffeine and diet thing is actually kind of incredible! He never was about the dieting before, but he sees all these steps I'm taking, and that for him to just lessen a little bit is good compared to the drastic changes I will be making. When the time comes, and when I get home, I'm sure it will be fine, since he is an amazing caretaker when he has to step up to the plate (when I've been drunk off my ass, or got food poisoning).

It kinda feels like I'm having a baby, lol!! Thank god I'm not actually though. I'm just popping out part of my stomach, not offspring.

Pre-Surgery Physical & Insurance News

So, my pre-surgery physical went fine. When I was at the doctor, though, I heard from the office manager, and she said they had received my official insurance approval from Aetna (my provider) for 1 day [surgical]. Uhhhh, what? SOOO needless to say, I freaked out a bit. (I am supposed to have surgery June 27, and get release on the 29th - so one day surgery, plus two days.) I attempted to call the surgeon's office, but unfortunately the lines were tied up. I was able to leave a message, though. So I've been concerned about this all weekend.

Well, this morning on the way into work, I got a call from their office. Amanda, the "financials lady" as I refer to her, explained to me that the way it works is that the insurance does the 1 day (or they put in for the one day), and then the nurses at the hospital take care of squaring the extra days away with the insurance. On the approval letter, though, it did say that if additional time is needed, it can be requested blah-blah-blah (can't remember it off the top of my head). Sooo, that must be how that works! What a relief.

So, tomorrow is my pre-surgery class. I'm kind of nervous about it and want to try and think of all the questions I may have. There is such a wealth of information they give you, it's hard to remember it all. I pretty much have to write everything down in notes to myself, starred in margins, lol. I'm also typing up my post-op dietary regiment for my mom to review, so that it's very clear to her what I can and can't do. She was saying to bring vegetables up, and I'm like uhhh, no, not yet.I will still be on the full liquids part of the diet after that. But I do want to share this to make it really clear.. for her, Dave, and anyone else who wants to or needs to know.

Putzing along

So, I'm trying to organize my thoughts and helping my OCD along with lists. This is what I need to buy, this is what I need to do on this date and this date, no approximations, just give me the date-markers and give me some clear cut yes this, no that. I understand that "no that" is flexible and it's "if you can tolerate it", but I want to know the safest route possible!!

So, for example. Avoid starchy vegetables. 'Kaay... *looks up some extra info for herself...*

But see, that helps. I just want things as crystal clear as I can get. "What do I do in this scenario?" I guess I need to get a grip on the fact that they won't be able to hold my hand the whole way, and I need to start just making judgement calls. Just scaaaaaaaaaaaared. Already terrified about what I heard about dumping syndrome just now. TERROR.

I have a pre-surgery class scheduled for next Tuesday, and I have my pre-surgery physical with my primary care doctor this afternoon. I doubt anything will go amiss later, except I'm hoping she can take a look at my finger that I kinda killed last night. (I tried to catch a falling vase, not realizing it was already breaking on the way down, so it sliced my finger but good and it hurts to bend the finger now, soooo.... yeah. Kinda sad.) Lots of bloodwork and random tests, and I'm not exactly sure what's beyond that, so we'll see. I haven't weighed myself for about a week, so I'm not sure how I'm doing with that. I know I had gone up a little because of bingeing on M&Ms. But since I've been very good all week, maybe I'll be better now. Aaand I've been constipated, so that might be an additional weight concern, but yeah. Such excitement! Hardly.

Also, shopping for a recliner is the pits. Just sayin. And it's going to be a biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch to haul upstairs.

Minor updates

I don't have much to report, other than the fantastic news I received last Friday that my insurance approved me for the surgery! The turn around on that was so fast (~2 weeks), I'm kind of amazed. In other news, I've kind of fallen off the wagon with food, so to speak. I do well with all my meals, and have generally healthy snacks (if possibly one too many - but stuff like apples, carrots, bananas, grapes)...and have a random sweets binge.  Like, serious binge - sit down and eat handfuls of m&ms. UGH. Not really sure why, other than easily accessible and not committing myself to having *healthy* sweets around - not only that, but eating them in moderation.

I don't know how much the binges relate to emotions, but I will be happy when I get an incredibly strict schedule for food/liquid intake after the surgery, so there will be no wiggle room for anything like m&ms or cookies or whatever else I dive for.

Unfortunately, I have been really depressed lately - having severe communication issues with Dave when I feel like I need to cling to him as my rock more than ever. My moods have been very volatile and swiftly changing lately (which isn't incredibly hard to believe considering I have a bipolar disorder, but usually it's maintained pretty well by the medications I take for it). I believe it's the stress, the weather, the "new addition" (I picked up a stray cat the weekend before last, and he's kind of squatting...it's like having a baby in the home, I swear). There's a variety of things. Money's always a factor, of course. Dave being distant, quiet, already knowing that he won't stay the night with me at the hospital, so I'll have 2 nights on my ownsome where my only company will be Beary (my stuffed bear that I've had for at least 20 years, and still have - even if he's worse for wear and missing most of the beans in his legs). I don't feel like I'm stocked up adequately - and I've been told to do so! But a lot of forum members (gastricsleeve.com) have said that things that they bought prior to surgery make them gag after surgery. Well, balls. So what's the point in stocking up? This I do not know.

In addition, I've been pondering a lot about juicing. I think it would be excellent for stage 2 of my diet - where I'm having "full" liquids - as a way to supplement protein shakes. I'm concerned about the dietary factors though - obviously the sugars & carbs that come out of it, and if it would be enough protein. Yes, it's better to eat the vegetables raw - I see that again and again and again. Except, yknow, I can't. Physically, I won't be able to for at least a month. Munching on kale? Forget it. Apple peels? Nope. All this ruffage that's good for you is going to too difficult to digest while my stomach's healing. Pretty much, I can't get a straight answer - how much does juicing help when your digestive capacities are incredibly limited - what are the nutritional proportions of the whole foods to juiced foods (obviously there is significant pulp removed after the juice goes through, so is it truly 1 carrot raw = 1 carrot juiced? I find that incredibly hard to believe). BAH. Dang fad diet having sketchy answers. I guess it's the diets that are grounded in cold hard facts are the ones that are going to last.

In other news, shopping for sippy cups, and trying to find ones that aren't completely absurd. No, I don't really want to take an absurd sippy cup to work, thank you. I'm going to have to start drinking it out of a brown paper bag out of shame.