Post 3 month check-up

So, I am officially down 40 pounds 3 months after my surgery! The doctor's office was very pleased with my progress, saying that I'm a bit further along than they expect patients to be, so that's even better. (Since I'm worried I'll start slowing down sooner than I think, and I'm kind of amazed I got to this point at all, because of plateaus along the way.)

A rundown of my bloodwork showed that my protein was good, which is something I was really worried about. It's something they stress so much in all appointments that of course I would be worried! I haven't been tracking my protein or liquids anymore, but have just been mindful - especially of fluids.

No more trips to the E.R. Seriously.

Unfortunately, not all my bloodwork was great. The phlebotomist/lab tech at Quest muffed up my blood sample on the CBC, so I have to get that done again. My levels of vitamins B1 and B12 are low, so I need to start adding those in. I have already been taking B12, but the RN (Rose) said I can double it with no problem. And B1, I just have to start taking. Thankfully that's not too low (the goal is 8-30, and I'm at 8), but one of the causes of thiamin/B1 deficiency is daily consumption of coffee or tea. Well, hell! I drink a mug of 12+ oz of hot tea in the morning at work, then iced tea almost all evening when I get home. >_<  Another cause of low B1 is high intake of processed foods - which, naturally, things that are made to be low fat, fat free, sugar free, etc, have been engineered to be such most likely. So all the specialty doodads are good and bad. I think just adding B1 vitamins to my regiment should be fine to bump me up to a better level.

The last thing that was wonky was that my liver enzymes were high, though there's nothing I can do about it supposedly. Rose said it was most likely my body still adjusting to all the effects of the surgery, changes in my diet, etc.

Back to the B1 and B12 briefly - deficiencies in these vitamins can cause emotional problems, so I wonder if that is what is really happening up in my brain, instead of changes needed in my regular bipolar medications. (I expressed concerns over that at my last psychiatrist appointment, and she said it was just adjustments still. WHY SO LONG FOR ADJUSTMENTS?!)

Lastly, I talked about my hair loss with the RN. She said doubling the biotin (vitamin B7) could help, since I am only taking 5000 mcg and can take 10,000 mcg, so I will try that. But I am still very depressed and discouraged my my hair thinning, and having small tumbleweeds of hair every time I shower. I've been investigating wigs, weaves, extensions, etc... And I'm mostly looking into a wig. There are a TON of resources near me for wigs, thankfully, but I don't know anyone with first-hand experience in that realm. I'm afraid to talk to strangers about it, and get honest, friendly information. I'm going to go to the gastric sleeve support group at GBMC tomorrow night and see if they have any experience. Rose said she didn't really know much about it. The hair could return in like 3-6 months, so when it's going, it's going to take a goodly amount of time for it to come back. This part is what's making me really start to consider this. It's a whole new terrifying frontier for me (and another absurd expense to go through - sigh), but hopefully I can have the courage to keep on.

3 months out

First off, I want to apologize for not posting for ~2 weeks.. I've been going through some tough emotions with Dave lately, and feeling very lonely and without a lot of support. So that being said, I've withdrawn from pretty much everything, like I tend to do when I'm pretty depressed.

That being said, I can elaborate on that, or talk more about pertinent things! Well, pertinent first at least. So I'm about 4 days shy of being 3 months out from my surgery, and I've lost 40 lbs. FORTY. I am so proud of myself! I stepped on the scale this morning and was kind of shocked at how well I've done, in spite of my odd eating habits lately.

My self image is bipolar though. I think and feel thin, fitting into clothes that were super tight before with no problem, having to buy new jeggings because my old ones were baggy, etc. But I have a looot of jiggly bits, especially my thighs and butt. I know this is a sign that I need to be working out more; I have my gym membership, but haven't been in about 2 weeks. Half the time when I am planning on going, my stomach gets twisted up from just food, just anxiety, or a combination of the two. It's difficult that whenever I'm incredibly anxious, my digestive system goes completely haywire. I don't really need that when my stomach is so sensitive right now anyway.

In any case, I used to have no fear about going. Like la dee da, here I go, workin it! But I think the onset of the deepening depression has increased my desire to not do anything, let alone do things.

So, part of the depression I think stems from the surgery and my new eating habits. I generally am not eating the same thing Dave eats, and I'm scared to go out to a restaurant because of the excessive restrictions/complications that will arise. I know once I bite the bullet and try it out, I'll be fine, but it's until then that I'll be scared. When I'm not eating what Dave eats, it's like we're eating at the same time but not together? If that makes any sense. Last night, Dave had cumin mushroom quesadillas, and I had eggs. (Granted, I don't like mushrooms or cumin very much, but I couldn't have the tortilla or excessive sour cream most likely.) I don't know why it gets me, but maybe it's just a weird "separate but equal" thing that rubs me wrong.

I have my 3 mo check-up next week. I had bloodwork done last week (last Wednesday I believe), which was a large amount of blood (6 vials I think for about 8 tests?), but my wee deep veins cooperated. Hopefully that will be at the doctor's office in time. I have my referral, which I requested awhile ago knowing that my regular doctor's office is wonky with those kinds of things. It's only good through the end of the year, though, so if I have the same insurance 3 months after this next appt, then I will need another referral. But we'll see, we'll see. I also stop taking my Omeprazole (Prilosec) soon, so we'll see how my body takes to that. I'm concerned, but hopefully I don't need to be.

Camping wrap-up and some turns for the worst

I had an excellent time camping. I ate a lot of nuts and granola, with some meats thrown in around dinner time, though turkey lunch meat was pretty prevalent as well. We did a ton of walking, but ended up a bit dehydrated. Thankfully it wasn't to the point where I passed out, but I still got a good amount of headaches. (Also, it was super cold at night, and we were not prepared for that at all.)

I have been kind of eating "weirdly" lately - the food I eat throughout the day seems totally random, and I'm more having a bunch of small meals instead of just one big lunch or the like. Dinners are the only things that are "normal" - usually just some sort of meat.

Lately, though, I have been dumping a few times - maybe three times in the past two weeks. The worst is when I'm at work and having it, because there's only one ladies toilet. There aren't a lot of women, but if there is one in there (and one of the girls tends to take a long time), I have to wait. When you're in fear of messily shitting yourself, it's nerve-wracking to say the least. In most cases, I can more or less pinpoint food that made me dump. However, today it's pretty much random. There's nothing I had today that was out of the ordinary - pumpkin granola and red grapes. (That's all I've had so far today.) I've been eating the pumpkin granola for a little while, so it's not new to my stomach. I just don't know what did it. Anyway, I'm hungry now, but too scared to eat anything lest I perpetrate the cycle.

I've noticed my hair thinning lately, though it's not oily at least. (I have been only using shampoo, though.) My skin is clear more or less, and my nails are good (so the biotin's struggling as best it can).

I think one of the best things about camping was that I really was able to unplug, go off the grid (left my cell phone off except for directions/gps-ing and looking up recipes for the supper we prepared for the Saturday Moon Service), etc. It was incredibly cathartic for me. I have been less angry, less frustrated, and less stressed. Some things still hit those buttons, but not with the ferocity that they used to. There is a calmness that is attainable now, and I try to focus on that every day now. I know there's a corner of my heart and mind that holds a gentle peace - I just have to poke it every once in awhile to let it light up the rest.

It's not always rainbows and roses

For the most part, I am doing pretty well with eating foods. I have been munching on granola, seeds and nuts without having that heavy feeling I used to have. I haven't been tracking my protein and liquid intake religiously (she says after preaching it in her last post) like I had been, and I'm almost certain I should get back to it. It has become a bit more difficult because of having to figure out every since ingredient in what I'm eating - especially frustrating in granola.

Last night I made some chicken drumsticks, and I didn't finish my portion because it just made me feel nauseous. Maybe I did something wrong with the marinade, or there was an issue with the chicken, but I just had to put it down and take an anti-nausea pill later.

I haven't had any severe bowel movements lately, which is nice, but still constipated-ish as usual. I take the stool softener when I remember.

I am hoping that I don't have any digestive issues while I'm out camping, but all the food I'm making is pretty "safe." I'll keep my fingers crossed!