3 months out

First off, I want to apologize for not posting for ~2 weeks.. I've been going through some tough emotions with Dave lately, and feeling very lonely and without a lot of support. So that being said, I've withdrawn from pretty much everything, like I tend to do when I'm pretty depressed.

That being said, I can elaborate on that, or talk more about pertinent things! Well, pertinent first at least. So I'm about 4 days shy of being 3 months out from my surgery, and I've lost 40 lbs. FORTY. I am so proud of myself! I stepped on the scale this morning and was kind of shocked at how well I've done, in spite of my odd eating habits lately.

My self image is bipolar though. I think and feel thin, fitting into clothes that were super tight before with no problem, having to buy new jeggings because my old ones were baggy, etc. But I have a looot of jiggly bits, especially my thighs and butt. I know this is a sign that I need to be working out more; I have my gym membership, but haven't been in about 2 weeks. Half the time when I am planning on going, my stomach gets twisted up from just food, just anxiety, or a combination of the two. It's difficult that whenever I'm incredibly anxious, my digestive system goes completely haywire. I don't really need that when my stomach is so sensitive right now anyway.

In any case, I used to have no fear about going. Like la dee da, here I go, workin it! But I think the onset of the deepening depression has increased my desire to not do anything, let alone do things.

So, part of the depression I think stems from the surgery and my new eating habits. I generally am not eating the same thing Dave eats, and I'm scared to go out to a restaurant because of the excessive restrictions/complications that will arise. I know once I bite the bullet and try it out, I'll be fine, but it's until then that I'll be scared. When I'm not eating what Dave eats, it's like we're eating at the same time but not together? If that makes any sense. Last night, Dave had cumin mushroom quesadillas, and I had eggs. (Granted, I don't like mushrooms or cumin very much, but I couldn't have the tortilla or excessive sour cream most likely.) I don't know why it gets me, but maybe it's just a weird "separate but equal" thing that rubs me wrong.

I have my 3 mo check-up next week. I had bloodwork done last week (last Wednesday I believe), which was a large amount of blood (6 vials I think for about 8 tests?), but my wee deep veins cooperated. Hopefully that will be at the doctor's office in time. I have my referral, which I requested awhile ago knowing that my regular doctor's office is wonky with those kinds of things. It's only good through the end of the year, though, so if I have the same insurance 3 months after this next appt, then I will need another referral. But we'll see, we'll see. I also stop taking my Omeprazole (Prilosec) soon, so we'll see how my body takes to that. I'm concerned, but hopefully I don't need to be.